Exhausted

I planned on writing a more detailed account of things...but I just don't have it in me.  The past seven days has kicked my physical and emotional tushie.  I have been overwhelmed and stressed out.  So I am HOPING that this weekend can be less eventful....let me catch up on some sleep and house stuff....and start February fresh.  February is booked solid....I gotta get geared up.

But I will at least give you the highlights of the past week....some of I have already shared:

Saturday, January 24

• Shovel out from snow
• Fix broken sink
• Wedding anniversary

Sunday, January 25

• Calm before the storm (literally!)

Monday, January 26

• Busy day at office (including the copier breaking)
• Car break down on the side of road
• Drank wine

Tuesday, January 27

• Shovel out from 2 feet of snow
• Multiple calls to deal with car
• Multiple calls to talk to Brother about something big with my parents (I will not be going into this...but this has been a huge source of stress, has required many hours of phone calls, and we weren't sure how it was going to end)
• Work from home for 6 hrs

Wednesday, January 28

• Kids still home from school
• Shovel the several inches of snow we got overnight
• Borrow neighbor's car for work (I can't believe she offered...and it was a lifesaver)
• More phone calls about car, and had to go down to the place that towed my car to deal with them

Thursday, January 29

• Copier broke at office (2nd time this week...and I NEED the copier for alot of things....and the repair guy couldn't make it out to fix it), 
• Work computer died (seriously....not my week for things breaking....),
• Borrowed car again
• Car repaired to the tune of $812 (+$93 from Monday, but $100 will be reimbursed from insurance....needed new battery and my power steering cables blew out....part of the bill was for the 2nd tow, and half of the remainder of the bill was the labor charges)
• Children locked themselves out of the house
• Things came to a head with my parents (but thankfully went way better than expected)

Friday, January 30

• As I write this, it is only 6:40 in the morning...the day is still young!  
• Will need to deal with the little bit of snow we got overnight and whatever falls today

ETA, 10:30am:  Car still making noise that caused me to pull over on Monday...called shop and I have to bring it back on Monday....and get a rental car.

Realtor wants to do a showing on Sunday...so I have to get the house show ready...and leave.  And did I mention we ate getting more snow Sunday night?


Stick a fork in me......I am done.  I have a busy weekend of paperwork ahead (normal bill paying, taxes, and submitting financial waiver request for Bossy's medical supplies), need to catch up on laundry and do the "once over" in the house, and prepare for something else that is next weekend (that I will share after it is all said and done).  I hope your week was WAY better than mine.  I am not a football person....so no Super Bowl stuff for me....but if that is your bag, baby....you have a great time!!!!

Family DRAMA - the final instillation

For those of you who are following along....I swear, this is how it all went down.  Yes, my family is dysfunctional on so many levels.  I know.  And while it is easy to say "just don't give into it," 37 years of dealing with it in a certain manner is not easily changed.  I am working on it, but the after effects of my family run deep.

I won't bore you with a super long post about this part....because it could get REALLY long.  So I will hit the highlights.

• Just under FOUR hours to drive to the funeral (we left at 6:00am for a 10am service)
• Dad didn't say Hi to me when we walked it (claimed he didn't see me, but was talking to Bro)
• Mom wearing a very obvious bandage, and having every single person come up to her to ask what happened
• No air conditioning at the funeral home, with 100 people in attendance (and about half had to stand)
• Listening to my aunt's nieces (from her side of the family) deliver a beautiful eulogy about their aunt, yet nothing they said applied to how my aunt treated me or Bro
• Funeral home didn't stop traffic leaving, so the funeral procession was a mess, and people got lost (including me) and per my uncle, the GPS was taking us the wrong way.  We gave up and just went back to the house.
• Dealing with my aunt's friend who was none to happy that Bro and I were there early.
• Other friends of my uncle (whom I have known since I was a toddler, and never liked), picking on me that I don't visit my parents enough, and that I OWE them.
• Having to "re-meet" Mom's cousins, who continued to tell me that I was "this high" when they last saw me, and were astounded that I was an adult, married with kids....
• Mom's cousin being surprised I have dark hair (he and his brothers all have light hair), and someone pointing out that it was also purple.....and not in a nice way.
• Listening to friend of the family claiming we need anarchy in this country.
• Aunt's nieces shooing me away because they were cleaning up (no kids in the kitchen!)
• Mom was a little shaky all day, so I was getting her water, food, etc.....and bouncing between her and my dad, who was laying down because he didn't feel well, and getting HIM food, water, etc.
• FOUR hours to get home, due to traffic, having to stop for gas (that was a whole other adventure), and construction on the road.

But here is the big story I teased about....

Right before we left, my uncle was a little jittery.  I asked him if he had enough to eat.....yes, I ate 2 sandwiches.  OK, how about drinking water (it was in the upper 90's that day).  He said he was drinking soda.  I said, well, you need water to rehydrate, and I will get you some.

He turned around to me and said he knew his body, and he didn't need water.  I "argued" that water was better for hydration, and he needs to make sure he stays hydrated in the heat. I, in a kidding manner, said "hey, I can sass you just as easily as I sass them (meaning my parents)."

WHOA.  World War III.

He told me that "I wasn't too big for him to put over his knee."  I said I respectfully disagree.  And he goes on to say that when his other niece (my aunt's oldest niece) was 16, she sassed him, and wouldn't stop, so he spanked her, and she never did it again.  I said there is a big difference between a teenager, whose brain hasn't fully developed yet, and a grown adult.

He argued back that was BS, and in his day, "children" respected adults.  My dad jumped in about spanking and that only a parent has the "right" to spank their child, and yes...there is an age where it wasn't appropriate.

Cue my time to leave.  While I realize my uncle is grieving....being "put in my place" because I was trying to get him to take care of himself....forget it.

I have spoken to my dad once since all of this, and he had nothing to say about anything.  I will have to talk to Mom to get more details.   But there ya go.  48 hrs for all of this....and 3 days for me to "recover."  Nothing but fun here!

Family DRAMA - part 2

In case you didn't read part 1, check out yesterday's post.

So we left off with my father telling me to BEHAVE.  Thus, knocking me down to the status of a child.  I told him I am NOT a child, and I refuse to be treated as such.  Additionally, it is highly disrespectful.  He didn't seem to care.

He called back later to let me know that they still weren't at my Uncle's (it has now been 4 hrs.  I can't figure out what took so long).  He still didn't have the name of the funeral home, and I asked that he call me by 8pm, as Bro and I were probably going to go to bed early since we had to get up early.  It was 3:30pm at this point.

Did I mention that my brother paid $600 to fly up that day?  I picked him up at the airport around 6:30pm, and he stayed with me.  I hadn't seen him in several years, so it was sort of "nice."  Turns out....he thinks my parents are as loony as I do.

8:30pm....still nothing from my father.  I called....voicemail.  We have no idea where we were going in the morning...someone needed to know something.  But why communicate when you can just drive members of your family Bat-$hit crazy?  My brother tried calling at 9:00pm, and actually got my dad.

Now....be forewarned....I am NOT making this up.  This is actually what happened.

I am listening to Bro on the phone, arguing with my dad that we were NOT going to make it to the house by 9am (that would have required leaving at 5:15-5:30am) to take the limo (we didn't want to anyway, but in hindsight, should have taken the limo...more on this later) over to the funeral home.  Please just give us the name and address of the funeral home.  Finally he agrees....Bro writes it down.

The next words out of Bro's mouth....."So what time do you think you will be home from the hospital?"

Hospital?  Who is at the hospital?

Bro gets off the phone and just looks at me....."Sis, you are soooooo not going to believe this."

Turns out that my MOTHER (the one who needs all the attention), slipped getting into the mini van they rented (it was all the car's fault), fell backward, and HIT HER HEAD on the pavement.  Blood everywhere.  Had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital to rule out a concussion (it wasn't).  She had x-rays and a CT scan.  In the end, she shook up her brain pretty good and was going to have a big headache.  But she was fine.

Now, this is important for a few reasons...

• She had to wear a compression bandage on her head, thus calling attention to the injury (oh, did she).
• My aunt died of BRAIN CANCER, and now my mother is wearing this bandage on her head TO THE FUNERAL. 

WTF???  Really....you are actually going to upstage the corpse.  You can't just let the deceased rest in peace...you have to be the star of the show.  Later on, my uncle told my mom she should have been wearing better shoes, and that she wasn't paying attention.  And why didn't she take her medication, and THAT is why it all happened.  Yeah....Mom wasn't thrilled with her brother at that moment.

So, in a 24 hr period of time....my parents cancelled their trip to see us and flew to NY.  Mom managed to injure herself and get a ride in an ambulance and lots of bloody bandages.  Dad missed taking HIS medication, and due to his health issues and all the excitement, by the time we saw him on Wednesday, he was in bad shape.  Bro flew to CT, and spent WAY too much money doing so....all in the name of family peace.  I had to rearrange my schedule at work, deal with not knowing what was going on with the 'rents.  Deal with disappointed kids who were so upset that Grammy and Grandpa weren't coming.  Bossy threw a wicked tantrum.

And we aren't even at the funeral yet.   More to come....but to give you a teaser, this was part of it:

Uncle to Mysti:  You aren't too big for me to put over my knee.  

Family DRAMA, part one - long

Something I recently "discovered" is that my mom has a Narcissistic Personality.  I have always known that she can be self-centered, but it was only recently that I had an actual name for what was going on.  And I have also discovered that the wounds that I have from this type of upbringing run deep.  I am really struggling to break free of it all.

So....last Monday evening, while I was at occupational therapy with the kids, my dad called.  I am very good at detecting variances in my parents' voices, and before he said much of anything....I said "you aren't coming, are you?"  DAMN IT.  Sorry for the swear.....and if that offends anyone.  But this was the second time in a ROW that they cancelled a trip with less than 24 hrs notice.

Well, it turns out that my aunt passed away.  (Before everyone says I am sorry....I wasn't close with her, never was.This was my mom's brother's wife.)  She had been ill, so this wasn't a surprise.  The timing was something I hadn't planned of course.  At that time (Monday evening), my parents knew just about nothing.  The funeral arrangements were being done on Tuesday, so it would be at least another day before we knew anything.

I had to call my brother, who as it turns out...wasn't having a great day already.  And I got to make it even better.  His car broke down, so now he would have to fly here for the funeral.  $$$.  Plus, we didn't even know when the funeral was yet.  Oh, and we were "guessing" that the funeral would be Wednesday....which was his birthday. 

Now, I should mention that my aunt and uncle live about 2-2.5 hrs away by car from me.

I mention this, because my parents decided that they were going to stay with my uncle for a week.  Not come here.  Dad mentioned coming here by himself at the end of the week, and I pulled the plug on that (which was a good thing with all the stuff that was about to happen).  He isn't well, too much travel, the weather was going to be brutal (it was 99 degrees for 2 days, and we don't have great air conditioning). 

Oh, and by staying with my uncle....they were kicking him out of his bed.  The man just lost his wife, and my parents were perfectly fine letting him sleep on the sofa.  *shake head*

Tuesday morning, I tried to get in touch with my parents.  Voicemail all around.  I suspected that they were on a plane (Heaven forbid they actually let me know what they are doing).  The question at that point....where were they going?  We had talked about them flying to CT as planned, and then going to NY, just in case they couldn't get a flight to NY.  When last we spoke, they said they weren't coming to CT.  But I wouldn't put it past them to arrive in CT and be mad that I wasn't there to pick them up.

Enter my BFF who is a travel agent.  So she did her blippity blip typity type....and tracked them down!  HA!  Oh, she and I are dangerous together.  She confirmed that they were on the 10am flight to NY.  I texted my dad and asked why is it so hard to just send me a note and let me know what is going on.....*sigh*

I get a call from Dad around Noon....telling me that the funeral was indeed on Wednesday, at 10am (which meant I had to leave my house at 6am....).  Now, he called me from the shuttle bus, and was having a hard time hearing me.  I mentioned that Bro and I sent an Edible Arrangement to the house (in Jewish funerals, there are no flowers....people send food.).  And he said something that didn't make sense.  So I repeated myself, and again, he didn't answer in a way that made sense.

So I said "Dad, if you can't hear me, and all you are going to say is OK, then let's talk later."  He said, and I quote...."BEHAVE."

EXCUSE ME???  You are reprimanding me????  Oh no....now it is on.

Waiting

I am not the most patient person.  I have infinite patience for some things....and NONE for others.  And one of my biggest peeves is having to WAIT for others to get their stuff together.  GRRRR.

We have applied for our loan, and received the standard "we have received your stuff...." reply.  Per the reply, it will be processed in 7-10 business days from date of receipt.  We know we submitted everything on 3/26, but that doesn't mean that is the date of receipt for them.  We didn't get that response until 3/30 or 3/31.  So if we use 3/30 as "date of receipt," then the loan should fund no later than 4/13.

That is another 10 days.  Granted, that is the long side of things.  But let's get the show on the road.  Meanwhile, we keep paying the bills that are due, and will see what the pay off amounts will be when the loan funds.  Wait, wait, wait.

Additionally, I have an aunt who is terminally ill (she has been battling brain cancer for about a year, and the doctors have said there isn't anymore they can do).  My mom hasn't been able to determine from her brother (my uncle), how much time we are looking at.  There seems to be some conflicting information....most likely because my uncle is not fully hearing what is being said.  I am not close with my aunt and uncle, but of course when the time comes...I will go to pay my respects. 

I asked my mom what their (my Parents) plans will be when the time comes.  She didn't know.  Now, I realize that she isn't supposed to have it all together...but my parents are famous for "not imposing" and setting my world into a tailspin.  I finally managed to determine that they will most likely come to visit for a few days after the funeral.  Obviously....no one knows WHEN this will be, but at least have a clue that will happen.

I also need to add....I was raised Jewish (although I am not practicing....I lead a more alternative spiritual life).  In Judiasm, burial usually takes place within 24 hrs of death.  Unless that falls on a holiday or Sabbath.  So everything happens FAST. 

And we are waiting on the school to figure out when our future planning meeting will be held.  Bossy's annual paperwork is due 4/26.  We have Spring Break next week.  Let's get the show on the road, people!!  We are trying to do the future planning meeting BEFORE we have to write up his annual.  If we have to write the annual, THEN do the future planning, there is a good chance that we will have to CHANGE his paperwork again.  So that means another meeting.  Why am I the only one that sees that is so inefficient???

What are you waiting for today??

Good thing I am super busy today

Today is my wedding anniversary.  Please....no Happy Anniversary.  We (more ME) decided not to acknowledge it.  We aren't at that point emotionally.  Wounds of the past year run deep.  Add in that this is a super emotionally loaded day for me, and I will be honest with ya.....what I really want to do is go buy stuff to make me happy....even though I know that 5 minutes later I will not be happy anymore.

All rolled into the emotion of today.....

• Wedding Anniversary - 14 years today
• It was the due date for my twin girls who died (they were due on our 10th wedding anniversary)
• My "surprise" baby, that I miscarried was conceived (sorry...TMI) on the aforementioned 10th wedding anniversary.

All of this is weighing heavily on me.  I started getting upset last night, and was so off my game.....I just went to bed.  It is strange this morning....G-man and I have talked all morning, blah blah blah.  Part of me wonders if he forgot since we already decided that we aren't acknowledging it....out of sight, out of mind?

My day consists of 2 doctor appointments, work, shopping for PTA, and bookfair planning meeting tonight.  It is full to the brim with responsibility and no time to think about "stuff."  If I didn't have all of that....I would probably perseverate on everything....do on-line window shopping and eventually convince myself that for everything I have been through....I deserve something!!!

But don't worry.....I won't.  Promise.  Knowing that I am making progress on our debt (we are down $1,200 since the first of the year, not including the $500+ we have paid on the retirement loan this month) is enough to keep me from back-sliding. 

I am so behind with you guys!

My mom is coming to visit on Thursday, so all of my time has been spent cleaning and preparing for her visit. 

I wish I could just change the sheets on the bed and call it a day.  But I can't.  I have parents who like to comment....on everything.  "Oh sweetie, don't worry that you didn't XYZ...I know you are just too busy for those types of things."  So I scrub and wash, dust and vacuum, reorganize and declutter.  I wash the wood floors with vinegar, on my hands and knees.  I wash all the curtains. 

Now granted, all of these things need to get done at some point.  But having to do it all at once....it can get overwhelming.

So, I am sorry I haven't commented on blogs or if you are going through some major thing and I don't know about it.  I am so behind on my reading....but I also feel behind at home.  All I do is chase my tail.

Hoping to spend some time catching up with you guys soon.

Channeling that Emotional Pain

I will post more about the party fiasco later....but since yesterday, this has been at the fore front of my mind.  The kids don't know yet.  Bossy...as of right now, 1 friend is coming, and MY friend and her son (so I guess that makes 2 kids).  He will be fine with that.

And it is weighing on me how to tell Sassy.  I have confirmed now that 2 of the 3 girls invited are NOT coming.

I am so mentally exhausted at this point.  It is starting to effect me physically, where my stomach is sick.  My sleep is disrupted.  I don't like this.

So I am trying to channel the upset into something more productive.  I am trying not to eat....because that opens another can of worms.  Trying not to spend money....again, Pandora's Box there.  So I have to turn to another vice....cleaning and organization!

I am down to 10 items on the "31" To-Do list.  And there is a good chance that at least 3-4 of those will get done when I get home from work today.  We won't talk about the new To-do list yet.  I am really trying to finish that first list before I tackle the next list.  I am focusing on the feeling of crossing things off....the feeling of completion.

As I have been cleaning...I am putting that extra effort behind it.  Being upset will do that to you.  It is fuel for the fire. We are closing out the month in a few days....it would be nice to have things DONE and start fresh.  Of course, the catch behind all of this is that the events are actually Oct 1 and 2, so while I am scrubbing away the week, I am just getting closer to the weekend.

If it isn't one thing...it is another.






 

Today is the Day!!

I will kiss Student Loan #2 goodbye!

This loan is particularly "special."  This is the last loan from my Bachelor's Degree (how pathetic am I.....).  But more importantly, it is the last loan that was co-signed by my parents from college.  Technically speaking, the loan is in my father's name, but I am the co-borrower.

My parents have never paid anything on this loan.  It was in deferment until I graduated (in 1996.....again.....how pathetic).  I started paying it back 6 months or so after I graduated.  The amount has never changed.  It has always been $58.98 per month.  The problem with that amount was that as a youth....I didn't realize the POWER of interest!!!!  I just kept paying my $60 a month.  I had other student loans at the time, and I was paying those as well.  But my income didn't really support paying DOWN debt, nor did I really understand the slippery slope I was on.

By the time I realized how important it was to get rid of debt, other debts became more important.  So I continued to pay the minimum on this loan.  I have now paid more in interest on the loan than the original principal balance.  So yes, my bloggy peeps......this loan cost me DOUBLE it's original value.

So this afternoon, after I get home from work....I will call the dear sweet people at the loan company and kick this loan to the curb.

Goodbye loan....wish I could say I was nice knowing ya....but I can't.  You have cost me over $5,000 in interest.  UGH.  Good riddens!!!!!!

UPDATE:  IT IS GONE!!!!!!  SO LONG SUCKA!

A few updates....

We always have so much going on....


The washing machine - G-man took things apart, cleaned it....for the moment it seems to be better.  We also found out that the part that seems to be going is only $72 (vs. $125).  Let's hope that it doesn't come to that!  Luckily, we have a laundrymat around the corner, so if the washer does go out...we can at least get the clothes washed (and brought home to dry).

Camp - as of today....Camp for the kids is fully funded!!!!  Since it in an ING acct, we can't withdraw the money for a week....but it is so nice knowing that we saved up for a planned expense, and we can now enroll them both for 7 weeks of fun.  I am glad that I changed my savings strategy and put all my efforts into this one goal.  Moving on to saving for the kids' birthday parties, then finishing our Christmas fund.....then back to Camp again!  The cycle of the year....

Vacation - In an attempt at reclaiming some "family" time....we are taking a mini vacation this weekend.  The kids are off for Good Friday, but we are taking them out of school a few hours early on Thursday.  We will be going to Sesame Place!!!  This Friday is "Autism Day" and admission to the park is FREE, with a $25 parking fee.  But c'mon....$25 is nothing for a family of 4 to get into a theme park.  We found a hotel for less than $100 a night (with breakfast included and an indoor pool!!).  The kids are super excited!!!  And we need a few days to just focus on our family.  G-man had overtime in this week's paycheck, which will cover the cost of our weekend.

Refi Money - We are just about at the point where we are ready to pull the trigger and actually USE the money for debt now.  I am a little torn....of the $2,000 we will use for debt (the remainder is replenishing our emergency fund), the original plan was $1,000 to CC1, and $1,000 to the car.  BUT....G-man gets paid 3 times in May....if we take half of his extra check, and the full $2,000....the car is paid off!!!!!  That will free up $350 a month to apply to other debt (CC1 has the highest interest rate). 

If we stick to the original plan, the car will be paid off  in July.  (This is using half of his 3rd paycheck, plus $1000, plus regular payments....MAYBE we can swing a June payoff if we can throw a few snowflakes that way).

and last but not least....

Mysti/G-man - We are trying to work things out.  It is slow going.  Trust is a hard thing to earn back.  But he has been much more engaged with me and the kids.  He is back living at home, and we are both in individual counseling, as well as couples counseling.  It has now been just over 2 months since this disaster started, and we are no where close to being "over it."  But we are hopeful that learning to communicate with each other, learning to work through resentments and anger from our marriage, and rediscovering why we got married in the first place will all lead to a stronger marriage.  Wish us luck!!!

Snowballing for savings?

Most of us subscribe to the "snowball" method for debt reduction.....you know, you throw all your extra money at one debt, then roll it into the next, and so forth and so forth.

But I started thinking about all my little piles of "savings."  Am I doing myself a disservice by trying to save for everything by putting a little here and a little there?  Or should I be taking that bulk amount and save for one thing at a time?  And as a spin off...what about "free" money....like Swagbucks (more on this in a minute).

So here are my piles of money, and their balances as of this week, how much we add bi-weekly, and when the money is need:

Camp - $190; $15; Needs to be funded at $950 by June 15
G-man's birthday party - $42; $40; Needs to be funded at $800 by November 1, but may need sooner
Christmas -  $32; $30;  Needs to be funded $800 by November 15
Computer Fund - $230; $30; No due date but probably needs to be about $700

Between the 4 areas, it is $115 bi-weekly.  What if I put $115 into ONE account, and once it was funded, then move on??  If I did this....here would be the dates the account would be "funded":


Camp - $190; Needs to be funded by June 15 -APRIL 18
G-man's birthday party - $42; Needs to be funded by November 1, but may need sooner - JULY 25
Christmas -  $32; Needs to be funded by November 15 - OCTOBER 17

Computer Fund - $230; No due date - DECEMBER 26

HOLY COW!!!  If I just concentrate my efforts, I will have everything funded well ahead of time, so the money will be waiting for me when I need it for each.  Plus, it gives me a little cushion room.  PLUS, I get to accomplish it ALL by the end of the year. 

An observant fellow might have noticed that Camp needs to be funded first, and by contributing $15 every 2 weeks, I would only be at $355.  That is way off from where it really needed to be  My plan for that was to use my third paycheck in March to make up the difference.  But that was sort of a risky idea.

I love this new plan.  Just by concentrating my efforts, I get where I need to be much faster, with less risk (aka, needing to make up for shortfall).  All of these are on auto transfer, so all I have to do reset what account gets what.

Now, I mentioned Swagbucks.  My plan has been to use my Swagbucks to buy a dining room set (which isn't needed per se....but I would like to have).  I have been exchanging my 700 Swagbucks for $5 via Paypal.  Would I be better off throwing these snowflakes at my other things....or just keep them separate (how freakin' cool would it be to buy a whole dining room set with "free" money!!!)

Has anyone done this method before?  Should I keep saving for it all at once, or concentrate my efforts?  Thoughts???  Do I just over think this stuff??????

Financial Goals 2011

I know that some of these are a stretch.  I also know that some of these are a little subjective.  But here we are!!!  We are set to kick some major butt this year.

In order to have some perspective, as of January 1 our current debt total is $68,685.37 broken down to:

• Credit Card -  $35,065.23
• Student Loan -$29,225.79
• Car-                 $4,156.35
• Medical -             $208.00

1)  Pay off car early.  It is scheduled to be paid off December 2011/January 2012.  I would like to have it paid off earlier.  I am not setting a deadline (but August is the one in my head!), but I just want it done ahead of schedule.  DONE!!!

2)  Pay off $10,000 in debt (not including the retirement loan).  OK....really, I want $12,000 which is about 30% more than we paid off in 2010. But I am setting the bar a little lower in the hopes of SMASHING this goal, and then motivating myself to get to the REAL goal of $12,000.

3)  Side Hustle $2000.  This will come from blogging money, selling items, odd jobs (including my new gig as a ChaCha guide!), etc. This will be a combined Mysti/G-man goal, but it also includes 1/3 of the hustle money to be "mad" money.  See the new tally on the side bar to help me keep track.  We aren't setting it up as $1000 each, but I am hoping that G-man gets motivated since he will get to keep 1/3 of it to "play" with.

4)  Open ING Christmas Account.  Let's not have a repeat of 2010.  *sigh* DONE!!!

5)  Continue to work on zero-based budget.  This is still hard for us!!  But we are getting there.

6)  Curb food spending.  Eating out has gotten out of hand.  Processed foods are too plentiful in the kids' diet.  Better food planning should help on both accounts.

7)  Get life insurance.  We have been irresponsible on this.  I know that we can't afford what we really should have.  But we have to start somewhere.  We can always modify the amount and type later...but right now, we just need to do it.

8)  Make will.  The biggest reason we haven't made a will....we really don't have a guardian for our kids.  No one is the right decision.  But we have to bite the bullet and just do this too.  Not planning on kicking the bucket, but need to make sure the wee folks are taken care of.

9) Resume retirement savings.  We stopped contributing so we could increase our cash flow.   I am hoping as the balances continue to go down on our debts, we can start contributing again.  At least to get the employer match of 5%.

10)  Find one "free" family thing to do per month.  It might be a picnic, a school event, or something I haven't thought of yet!  No one says you have to spend money to have family time.

Don't forget to check out my blogging and personal goals too!!!

Thanksgiving Prep, part 2

I am at 5 days until the invasion of my parents, and 7 days until Thanksgiving.  Let's see where we are in all of this preparation:

(Warning....the Parental section....this is for real, people.  This is really what I have to do before they come just to tone down the dysfunction to a managable level)

For the Parents:

1)  Look for photos to print out and frame for the family wall of Dad with grandchildren (so I don't have to hear about how there are pictures of the other grandfather on the wall, and none of him).  Bonus if I put some Mom photos up (there is one right now)

2)  Scrub floors with vinegar (so I don't have to hear about how I "missed" a spot)

3)  Buy "parent" snack food.  If I don't have what they like in the house, they go buy it, and then some more junk.  With my stress level, I can't deal with the extra stuff in the house and I will eat it and blow my weight loss.  So at least this way I can control what is in the house.

4)  Clear DVR.  So when my dad decides he has to tape a re-run of NCIS, he doesn't erase something that I wanted.  Never mind that it is MY house.....oh, and when he does tape stuff, he denies it, even when I can see the scheduled stuff.

For Dinner:

1)  Buy aluminum pans (now done....I wrote this post yesterday!)

2)  Teach my husband that 24 oz is not a quart, and therefore, no...we do NOT have enough beer for the turkey brine.

3)  Figure out the exact time that Bossy and I will be baking an apple pie, so he can stop asking me what TIME we will be doing it.

4)  Finish hand made table runner (because yeah....I am really Martha Stewart; It is about 1/3 way done)


Lastly.....collapse from the sheer absurbity of all of this.

Money can't buy faked involvement

Warning...somewhat childish rant ahead......


While I love my parents and mother-in-law (MIL), they are all driving me insane regarding the upcoming holiday season.

My parents were going to get the kids each a Wii game to go with the new console.  When I pointed out that Hanukkah is BEFORE Christmas this year, and they aren't getting the Wii until Santa brings it, I am suddenly the bad guy.  They asked for other ideas...I gave them to them.  Given that they will be here next week, I said "why don't we shop for the kids while you are here?"  No...they don't want to be bothered.  Once again they want me to shop for the kids, and they will send me a check or something (still waiting on the check they said they would send in October when they wanted us to buy books from the bookfair for the kids' classes).

I work.  I have a home to take care of.  I have 2 kids with associated activities.  I have a child with Autism. 

They watch tv all day.

And I have to shop for them.

And then there is my MIL.  Who just has too busy of a social calendar to fit us in.  She has multiple trips planned with her SIL and friends.  She is off having fun.  Can't quite make it to our house, and told us, she will see us next summer when WE come to her.  And she can't be bothered to get the kids anything either.  She will send us a check also.

My kids already have 2 uncles who aren't a part of their life.  They haven't heard from one Uncle in over 2 years.  The other called a few days after their birthday to say "yeah, I will send something" and never did.  Now they have 2 sets of grandparents who aren't checked in either.  I have spent 8 years covering for all of them.  The number of things I have done in their name....*sigh*

I am almost at a point where I just want to say to all of them....don't bother to send the check.  If you can't be bothered to spend more than 30 seconds on our family, then I can't be bothered to spend hours covering for you.

How quickly it spirals out of control

August has been a great big fat failure.  I haven't even looked at all the numbers, and I don't want to. 

Things are running amuck, amuck, amuck!  (Quick, name that movie!!!)


Credit Cards - you give an inch, they take a mile.  And this is what happened.  A few small purchases lead to a few larger purchases.  Old habits die hard.  $350 was spent on school supplies and clothes and shoes.  ($150 of it will be paid off at the end of the week).  G-man got some gas.  And then there were my beautiful boxes.....which somehow the cash I had saved for this got gobbled up in the great abyss of my checkbook.  A little here, a little there....and now the damage is done.

The lessons here....

1)  We aren't ready to be responsible.
2)  We didn't plan appropriately for expenses.

The "excuses" aren't great....but some of them are real.  Between July and August, we had several gifts to buy (2 baby showers, kids' birthdays), personal property taxes, and a few other smaller bills.  The cats went in for check ups to the tune of $246. All of these are expenses that cut into the bottom line and we are still learning to plan for.  Plus, the interest....oh, the interest....hate it.  Our party in late July....that was all us.  No justification there.

Student Loans - I have somewhat stuck my head in the sand on that one.  We are snowballing Loan 2 right now, but Loan 1....I have been "ignoring" the accruing interest on the loan while we have been on a lower payment.  It is up by $111.  So the actual balance has now been reflected to show this. 

Floating Money - My parents are lazy.  They tend to let us figure out birthday presents, Christmas presents, etc.  And then they LET us buy it all, and wrap it, and all of that jazz.  Eventually they pay us back, but we have to figure out how to pay for it to start with.  So, add in another $100 for what we paid for as a loan to my parents.   I hear from my mom....I will send a check....and then I have to ask for it.  C'mon...they don't have 90 seconds to send me a check???  It isn't about the money....they just don't care that their actions impact others.

So, bottom line....in the past month, we managed to undo 25% of our efforts.  I am embarrassed and ashamed of us.  I am angry with myself. 

And why do I share all of this......because someone has to be the blog that doesn't have it all together!  No offense to those that have wonderful stories to share that they got on board with debt repayment and did fabulous.  That ain't us.  We are really struggling to make this work....and I hope that this shows others that not everyone has it all together.

A few updates

Credit Cards:

Did you notice some minor changes to our CC totals???  We completed a balance transfer offer that took $5,000 from CC1 (at 19.24%) and put it on CC4 (at 5.99% for 12 months, and 9.24% after). We decided against trying to open a new card and get 0% for a few months.  Ultimately, we were concerned about dinging our credit.  We are thinking about applying for a peer to peer lending to pay off CC1 and CC3, and trying to get the best rate possible....so dings won't help our cause there.

The totals will be updated later this week after I pay the bills for the week.

Snowball #1 - Hospital:

Part of G-man's and my big talk the other day was this bill.  I budgeted to have it paid by the end of August (the kids' birthday).  This is the last of the bills related to their birth, and Bossy's subsequent surgeries and hospital stays.  We have been paying this bill for 8 years.  Yes, EIGHT years, and I need it gone.  So, in a bold move....we decided to pay it off in July.  Taking the $410 that I budgeted, plus $200 from our savings account, and $200 from our "extra" emergency fund (Dave Ramsey says to have $1000....we have almost $1450, so we will still be above the $1000).  Throw in an extra $5, and it is GONE.  Emotionally, this is a huge victory for us.

The next bill we will snowball is Student Loan 2, which should be gone in about 3 months.  This bill is the last of my student loans that are in both my and my father's name.  I was 17 when I went to college, so legally all the bills were listed as me as the co-borrower, even though my parents didn't pay the bill.  My dad did a lousy job on my loans, and because of the way he did the loans, I was unable to consolidate them or do anything, with them.  One loan had an interest rate of over 10%!  So this bill just needs to go....c'mon, I graduated in 1996!!  The Student Loan 1 is my Master's Degree.

There after, we decided to veer from Dave and go in interest order.  Currently that would be CC1, CC3, CC2, CC4, Car, Student Loan 1  We decided to leave the Dentist out of it.  If we do a peer lending, this is subject to change a bit.

July Challenge - No eating out

Today is the 11th, and except for a minor slip up on G-man where he bought a soda (he forgot about the challenge), we have not had any take out, coffee, water, soda, or fast food.  Grocery budget is still doing ok and meal planning is really helping.  I will be heading to the store later to restock for the week.

Blogging Realizations:

When I added the progress bars, I realized that when I update totals, I just write over the previous total.  I keep forgetting to make note of the starting balance!  While I have the balance of our debt when I started this blog (my blog-anniversary is just a few weeks away!), I have lost track of a few things.  Like the hospital bill....I couldn't tell you what the balance was a year ago, or even when we started snowballing it. I could probably figure it out, but that would be more work than it is worth.  So now, I will make an effort to note the starting balance of the snowball.

Talking to your parents about THEIR finances and such

I am starting to realize I am part of "the sandwich generation."  Those of us who are still actively raising their own families, and are also taking care of their parents.  My mom is almost 66....dad is 61.  Neither is in good health.  And they are completely co-dependent.

They moved almost 3 years ago to the city that we are (were?) hoping to relocate.  Now, when they made this decision, it was with the realization that we weren't living there, and had no idea if or when we ever would.  They thought that if they were there to "help" us, it would be good for everyone.

Here we are...3 yrs later....no move for us, and they are there alone.  Mom basically never leaves the house unless it is for a doctor's appointment or to go to shopping of some sort.  She never adjusted well to the move.  Not that she was that active before, but she just watches tv now.  Dad is a little better on the social end.

But as I stated, neither is in good health.  They take about 30 medications daily between them (and between you and me, I don't think they need half of them....I think a little exercise and better diet would do wonders).  If one of them passed away, the other wouldn't be able to survive.  Mom needs dad for company.  Dad needs mom as a caretaker.

They have hinted about money problems lately.  Alot of their sentences contain "we need to watch our finances" or "we have to see about the cost."  Dad retired on disability, and between health care, their retirement account taking a huge hit, and poor spending, I think they are realizing that they are in trouble.

I think they bought a house that was out of their comfort range for a limited income. I think they made some foolish purchases (such as the $10,000 collection of art that they love.....my brother and I hate it.....I only say this because some day, he and I have no intention of keeping it).  I think they are penny wise, but pound foolish.

When we are there in a few weeks for vacation, I am planning on taking them out for coffee and talking to them.  Just us.  No G-man.  And it has to be public.  This will contain the tempers, and they can't just walk away (I will have the car!!).  Subject matters to broach are:

1)  What is going on with their finances????  Are they simply being cautious, or is there more to this?  Knowing my parents, they will jump to the conclusion that I am being nosy.  But seriously, if there is something more to this, I think we should know.

2)  Power of Attorney.  Bro and I feel that one of us (aka, ME) should have a PoA.  With their health, someone needs the authority to sign for them, if need be.   This is going to be a HUGE fight.  They will insist that A) they aren't dying (no, not formally, but they really aren't in good health), B) they can take care of themselves(maybe as a couple, but individually....not so much), and C) that I just want to stick them in a home (old joke that is about to come back around and bite me). 

3)  What will happen when one of them dies?  Mom and discussed a long time ago that if she died first, that I would be responsible for Dad.  If Dad died first, Mom will so heartbroken, that Bro and I think that she would probably die shortly after.  Ultimately, neither can live alone.  They will fight us on this.  But really, they can't.  Enter.....the PoA.  We need to decide and resolve that something needs to be planned.  I think they should move in with me, although that will be a huge stress ball on me. But I know they will not live in an assisted living.  I know they won't move in with Bro. 

This needs to be a candid talk.  All the cards on the table.  Any advice from those who have been there???

Why it pays to have an organized house

Confession.....my house isn't as organized as it might seem when I describe some things.  Probably more organized than most, but less than ideal.  I have this fantasy of having everything in its place, labeled (using my label maker), and being able to maintain it.   (And as a TMI.....I keep encouraging G-man to help with this fantasy.....it might "benefit" him in the long run.  :) )

Anyway, G-man needed some new clothes (seriously, I can't even remember the last time we bought him clothes....that is an entirely different rant.....).  With Vacation only 2 weeks away (EEEK!), he needed some shorts (he had 1 pair that were in decent shape to be seen in public, the rest....well....we won't go there).  He tends to have good luck at Kohl's, so off we went.

Wait....back up....before we left.....I had a few things that needed to be returned.  A couple of tops I bought him that didn't fit.  A pair of jeans that didn't fit Bossy....and wait....what is this mysterious box I found in the attic...KACHING!  It was the box of a ton of kids clothes that they never wore....brand new....and my brilliant mom stapled individual gift receipts to each item!!

So now we go to Kohl's.  The two shirts got credited back to my card.  The rest was gift cards to the store.  $95 dollars in Gift Cards!!!

While it is ideal to not have to go back and return items, it is part of life.  Keeping track of receipts....remembering that "special" place we all stash these items to be returned....all of this impacts our budget bottom line.  How many hundreds of dollars have we wasted on items we meant to return, and never did?  Now they are clutter.  And we end up donating them, or selling them for pennies on the dollar.  Designate one spot for all of this!!!!  It will save you so much time and money in the end.

G-man got 3 pairs of shorts, a few tops, and Sassy got 2 pairs of shorts and 2 tops.  We paid less than $50 after using our gift cards, and got $30 in Kohl's cash to spend in the next week!

As a side note.....a HUGE shout out to Kohl's customer service!!!  The items from the kids....were dated 2007.  Seriously, my mom bought them 3 years ago (and as another aside....mom said it was ok to keep the money from the return and use it for new purchases).  And Kohl's figured out a way of tracking the gift receipt from 3 years ago and gave us back what my mom paid for. Additionally....our total came to $144, pre gift cards.  Kohl's was offering $10 in Kohl's cash for every $50 spent, and the cashier just rounded us up and gave us $30, vs $20.  Another huge thumbs up!

So dear bloggy friends.....the lessons we learned from this are:  1)  Keep your receipts and items to be returned handy.  2)  Customer service can go a long way in helping you out.  3)  Clutter is bad....finding a gem in your house is a lucky by-product, but keeping the clutter at bay is even better!

Family....do you say something or not?

Family.  Love 'em.  Dislike 'em.  They definitely complicate some matters.  Looking for some guidance on this one, peeps.....

My mother-in-law offered at Easter (via phone...remember, she lives 400 miles away) to contribute to the kids' camp expenses for the summer.  Since she rarely sees them, it is her way of feeling "grandmotherly."  She sees her other grandkids much more often, and are always buying them stuff.  So while my kids don't get lots of "stuff," she tends to make monetary contributions to larger things.

G-man said thanks, and left it at that.  Whatever she sends, she sends.  If it is $50, or $500....we will greatly appreciate it.  That is....if she ever sends it.  Like I said, this was at Easter (5 weeks ago).  Since then, she has sent a small Easter basket for the kids, my birthday present, and my Mother's Day card.  No check.

I had to pay $956 for camp yesterday for the kids.  OUCH.  They have been going since they were 3, and it is a wonderful program, and well worth every penny (7 weeks of fieldtrips, theme days, ice cream and pizza, plus....Bossy Boy gets an aide and nurse at no additional charge).  We had money left over from the insurance check debockle that we had put aside for this expense.  But when MIL offered to pay (and G-man hinted that she hinted it would be closer to $500), we had hoped to do this. 

If past experience is any indication, than this is what we expect to happen: 

1)  G-man will be talking to Mom, and mention that we just signed the kids up for camp.  She will go "oh yeah, I owe you a check."  And maybe it will come now...maybe not.

or

2)  She will give us a check when we see her in June.

or

3)  She will decide that she still wants to do something for the kids, but will opt to get them more "stuff" when we are visiting, rather than help out with camp.  (less likely scenario, but has happened before).

My guess is it will be a 1/2 combo.  We struggle with separating money into allotted "pots" and not knowing if she will or won't help out is hard to budget for other stuff.  I am going on the assumption that we get zero dollars, and if we do, then great....  But given this is "Mom,"  should we ask/say something???  She is well aware that we struggle, and since the death of my father in law, she is living quite comfortably (so money isn't the issue for her).

I really know the answer....I am just curious what you all think.

Happy Mother's Day!

Whether you are a mother, soon-to-be mother, act in a mothering way to someone...or have a mother.....today is for you!  It isn't about being put on a pedestal....it isn't about being showered with expensive gifts....it is about loving who you are, and the impact that you have on those around you. 

I am far from the best mom in the world (if such a thing exists).  My kids may eat processed food more than I would like....there are nights that we skip a shower....and just once in a while, I have been known to raise my voice. 

But my children know they are loved and wanted.  They get hugs and kisses aplenty.  I kiss boo-boos, and stand back when I know they are about to fail, so they can learn that failure isn't the end of the world, then comfort them when it is all over.

And none of that costs me a dime.

My Mother's Day is low key (a far cry from last year....when we were getting ready for my father in law's wake).  The children made me a breakfast of lightly toasted bread with LOTS of jelly (*shudder*), and I didn't say a word when I saw the vast quantity of jelly all over my dish towels and floor.  We are having THEIR favorite dinner (spaghetti and meatballs, with bread).  And I am spending my day cleaning up around my house....because when the house is clean, I am a better mom to them.

So take a minute to appreciate yourself, or the special mom in your life.  Just hearing how much you appreciate them is a gift in itself.