Thursday, October 22, 2009

Close to hitting rock bottom

I am at work (Shhhhhhh), but I needed to get my thoughts down so I can actually get something done. I am having a mild anxiety attack over all of this, and need to calm myself. Our financial situation is taking its toll on everything in our life. I truly didn’t realize it until this morning, as I was attempting to get ready for work.

I wear contact lenses – the 2 week disposable kind. Went to the eye doctor in early September for my annual check up. I was on my last pair of contacts and needed to order more. Well, that wasn’t in the budget. I figured I would wait until December when we each get paid 3x to order new ones, so I have been wearing my glasses since then. I noticed now that I am not “getting ready” for work the way I used to. I used to get up earlier than the kids to take my shower….now I rush in to the bathroom in the 15 minutes between when Bossy Boy leaves for school, and Sassy Girl needs to leave. I walk her to the bus stop, wet hair…no make-up…glasses. My clothes have gone from reasonably cute for work to whatever I grab first.

I have been on Weight Watchers since the first of this year. I lost 23 lbs in 4 months, and in the 6 months since, I have lost maybe another 5 lbs. I know I have gained a few pounds in the past month. Not watching what I eat as carefully….and my old standby clothes are too big, but that is what I tend to grab because it is familiar. I am paying $43 a month for this, and have been tempted to quit….but what is my personal self-esteem worth??? Is taking care of myself worth $43 a month? Aren’t I worth $43 a month? But can I do it on my own……

Not caring about my personal appearance is not good.

My house…is a mess. I used to be pretty organized. Now there are piles. EVERYWHERE. I am not losing stuff, but I can’t catch up. I went to grab my coat this morning and looked at the pile of stuff on the bottom of the closet. *sigh*
Grabbed my keys…and looked at the pile of stuff on the counter. Never mind the baskets of laundry that need to get put away….and the baskets that need to be done. And the piles of clothes strewn everywhere else. My sink is full of dishes. (No dishwasher) I haven’t been making the bed. I haven’t been doing anything.

My patience with the kids is lower than usual. Bossy Boy is Autistic, and is in a very trying stage. He is taking all my energy that I have left. I am fighting with the school over stuff. He is struggling; I am struggling to help him.

I am convinced that our financial situation is the root cause of all of this chaos. When I was happily in denial about how bad it all was….things were better around me. Now that I am trying to fix this major problem, it is zapping me of all my energy. We aren’t gaining traction with anything. We are more or less in a stand still.

This has to change. I am considering bankruptcy. I can’t believe I am actually thinking about this……but I don’t know how to make this work. Or at least we need to talk to a debt consolidation attorney. Something.

We are beyond hard work and determination getting us through. The money isn’t there. It just isn’t. One could argue about the car…..that isn’t it. We sell the car….buy a beater….and still will have a car payment. And due to G-man’s commute….the beater won’t last long.

Cable….unless you have an Autistic child, you won’t understand. We can’t get rid of it. It will upset his world too much.

I just want to cry.


  1. Hey Mysti! We are here for you! Let's see, firs things first..

    1. You need to set aside 1/2 hour each day when hubby is home to watch the kids and go and take a walk. Even if you have to circle your block 10 times..stay out for 30 minutes and make him step up to the plate and give you this time(This is Jeff, I am a husband giving you this advice - and trust me - you have to just say "this is what I need and what You (hubby) will do. This will start to erode the depression feelings. 2. Set your alarm and the first thing you do in the morning is walk into the shower and repeat "If I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of those I love" and you have to repeat this while you are in the shower. Sounds lame, but you have to train yourself again - you are falling into the despair..and if you recognize can get out of it. My wife and I have both been there.

    2. Second, you are not bankrupt, yet. Your creditors may force you there one day, but you aren't there yet. You need to hold your loving Hubby's face in your hands tonight and say "I cannot do this anymore, this is wearing me out, I cannot use the word "I" any longer when it comes to our finances. Then, draw your income and reasonable living expenses out on a piece of paper. (And, the two of you are going to have to think really hard about what necessity and luxury is). You obviously need to provide shelter to your family (priority 1a); You need to provide utilities (priority 1b)l and you need to provide food (priority 1c). I would also pay the car payment because that is what bring in income. Anything you have left after this can be used to pay creditors...and I would start with the lowest (a la Dave Ramsey) and that is it. The credit cards, student loans, or whatever else can wait until you are out of this crisis. Get yourself a good answering machine and caller id...'cause they will be calling to find out where there money is...and just know you aren't dealing with intelligent life on the other end and just know you will pay them when you can. If you are already saying the "B" word (bankruptcy) then you have nothing to lose by trying this. And remember, that student loans can't be charged off in a that won't help you there.

    Additionally, you have to raise your income. I think I have read where Hubby has two jobs..and that's cool. You should think about babysitting, or any other odd job to bring in income. It's not forever and I realize that you have a special needs child..but desparate times call for desparate measures.

    Lastly, DON"T YOU DARE CALL A DEBT CONSOLIDATION COMPANY! They will rob you of your money! They will destroy your credit..heck you can do that for free :) !! They can't do anything that you and hubby can't. We are here for you! I am telling you...simplify...and you have to share this burden with your hubby!

  2. Mysti,
    I know you are discouraged right now. I agree with the previous comment being a Ramsey family ourselves. But I wanted to add when we started with Dave Ramsey we had $64,217 but a few years prior we had $110,000.00 in non mortgae debt. It wasn't even a second mortgage just crap debt. To top it off we had a mortgage of over 160k. I won't get into details but through straightening out our lives and holding some people accountable (long story) we were able to get it down to $64,217 in non mortgage debt and a mortgage of $47000.00 when we started Ramsey.

    I know it sounds unbelievable now but just follow the steps outlined above and it can work. No I don't recommend losing the cable but cut where you can. I know its not easy but you and your husband can do this and if you get on the same page it can make your marriage stronger than ever. Make sure you are on this journey together. I do the bills and finances but my husband and I agree on our budget and what cuts to make and most importantly we celebrate small achievments together. Not by spending a ton of money but by doing a pizza night or some other small treat that you both enjoy.

    Keep trying. Put the student loans on hardship deferal if they are not already. Stop paying the CC's if you can't afford the payment. Take care of your house and hubbys car. Any extra save up and offer as settlement in full to the medical bill. Once the medical bill is done the CC's will be screaming save up and offer them a settlement in full. They may, depending on how long it takes, take a lot less than is owed. Let them yell. Change your number. Get a cell phone and cancel your house line. Don't let them get to you and do what you need to to get out of this mess.

    On a side note. A relative of mine mention Joyce Meyer to me is passing. She has the same approach as Dave Ramsey and although the focus is on God she really deals more with how to handle every day life. I watch her every morning now and it always seems to be what I need to hear that day. Just thought I'd put it out there. SHe is a wonderful resource for us going through this journey and has really help me put a lot of my life into perspective.She may be to you as well.

    Good luck to you hun. I will be keeping track of your situation and you are in my prayers~

  3. I just wish I had some words of wisdom here. So much is offered above. I can only imagine how overwhelming this must seem right now! Have you ever tried calling Dave Ramsey's show? (Radio or TV) That might be an idea... I have heard callers with no hope in their voices speak with him, and by the end of the call they feel like they have a plan and you can hear the hope back in their voice.

    Dave Ramsey also offers recommendations to financial advisors in your area. You can find one by clicking on "ELPs" (Endorsed Local Providers) from his website.

    I also would not advocate getting rid of something that is so helpful for your son. I have a son with special needs, and through his therapies I have been around families with autistic children, children with down syndrome...

    The only thing I thought of is that, depending on what he watches on cable, maybe you can find it online? Like on, or straight from playhousedisney or

    Yes, every little bit helps. But sometimes you need to cut yourself a break, too. Hang in there. And keep on blogging.

  4. This is completely normal! don't panic! we do the same things, for example wife needed contacts last night and they went to credit! we are human LOL.. so don't feel alone, you're not the only one!