Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Family DRAMA - the final instillation

For those of you who are following along....I swear, this is how it all went down.  Yes, my family is dysfunctional on so many levels.  I know.  And while it is easy to say "just don't give into it," 37 years of dealing with it in a certain manner is not easily changed.  I am working on it, but the after effects of my family run deep.

I won't bore you with a super long post about this part....because it could get REALLY long.  So I will hit the highlights.

  • Just under FOUR hours to drive to the funeral (we left at 6:00am for a 10am service)
  • Dad didn't say Hi to me when we walked it (claimed he didn't see me, but was talking to Bro)
  • Mom wearing a very obvious bandage, and having every single person come up to her to ask what happened
  • No air conditioning at the funeral home, with 100 people in attendance (and about half had to stand)
  • Listening to my aunt's nieces (from her side of the family) deliver a beautiful eulogy about their aunt, yet nothing they said applied to how my aunt treated me or Bro
  • Funeral home didn't stop traffic leaving, so the funeral procession was a mess, and people got lost (including me) and per my uncle, the GPS was taking us the wrong way.  We gave up and just went back to the house.
  • Dealing with my aunt's friend who was none to happy that Bro and I were there early.
  • Other friends of my uncle (whom I have known since I was a toddler, and never liked), picking on me that I don't visit my parents enough, and that I OWE them.
  • Having to "re-meet" Mom's cousins, who continued to tell me that I was "this high" when they last saw me, and were astounded that I was an adult, married with kids....
  • Mom's cousin being surprised I have dark hair (he and his brothers all have light hair), and someone pointing out that it was also purple.....and not in a nice way.
  • Listening to friend of the family claiming we need anarchy in this country.
  • Aunt's nieces shooing me away because they were cleaning up (no kids in the kitchen!)
  • Mom was a little shaky all day, so I was getting her water, food, etc.....and bouncing between her and my dad, who was laying down because he didn't feel well, and getting HIM food, water, etc.
  • FOUR hours to get home, due to traffic, having to stop for gas (that was a whole other adventure), and construction on the road.

But here is the big story I teased about....

Right before we left, my uncle was a little jittery.  I asked him if he had enough to eat.....yes, I ate 2 sandwiches.  OK, how about drinking water (it was in the upper 90's that day).  He said he was drinking soda.  I said, well, you need water to rehydrate, and I will get you some.

He turned around to me and said he knew his body, and he didn't need water.  I "argued" that water was better for hydration, and he needs to make sure he stays hydrated in the heat. I, in a kidding manner, said "hey, I can sass you just as easily as I sass them (meaning my parents)."

WHOA.  World War III.

He told me that "I wasn't too big for him to put over his knee."  I said I respectfully disagree.  And he goes on to say that when his other niece (my aunt's oldest niece) was 16, she sassed him, and wouldn't stop, so he spanked her, and she never did it again.  I said there is a big difference between a teenager, whose brain hasn't fully developed yet, and a grown adult.

He argued back that was BS, and in his day, "children" respected adults.  My dad jumped in about spanking and that only a parent has the "right" to spank their child, and yes...there is an age where it wasn't appropriate.

Cue my time to leave.  While I realize my uncle is grieving....being "put in my place" because I was trying to get him to take care of himself....forget it.

I have spoken to my dad once since all of this, and he had nothing to say about anything.  I will have to talk to Mom to get more details.   But there ya go.  48 hrs for all of this....and 3 days for me to "recover."  Nothing but fun here!


  1. I would have had several choice words for your uncle and none of them child friendly. I am not a fan of spanking anyone, children included, because of the message it sends about violence being a solution to a problem as well as diminishing the sanctity of self. As an adult though, and not even his child, I might have reminded him that he was threatening to assault you. It isn't something that you should take lightly nor something that he should be allowed to get away with.

    I am glad you stood up to his bullying and that your father also backed you in front of him. Angry bulls like that need to know they're in the wrong.

  2. Yikes dude. What freaking drama. I'm way too passive to hang out with your family!

  3. Yes - Drama is the appropriate word.

  4. Wow - you have a lot more patience to deal with all that than I would! With an aunt I wasn't close to and didn't really care for in the first place, I wouldn't have even traveled to go to her funeral in the first place. If it had been in my same town, I most likely would have taken time out of my day to attend, but not spend money to travel for someone "distant" to me. But, I certainly understand everyone's "duty" to their family is different.

    Sorry you had to deal with all that craziness! It sounds like it could be made into a movie :-)

  5. When you made a comment about "sassing," don't you think the idea of putting a 37-year old over his knee was a joke? Meant in the same manner as using the word "sass"? I mean, his wife had just died, so I would cut him some slack. I'm only saying this because it sounds like every single interchange with people is painful for you, and I wonder if some of it is not meant to be all that serious. I just try to give it right back to people if they say something so ludicrous - like you could have said, "And I'll chase you down with a paddle for not drinking your water" and just laugh it off.

    1. By the way, I have relatives who irritate the dickens out of me, and I've taken to spending extremely little time around them. It seems difficult to start that habit, but if you try it, it might be a big relief to avoid the stress.

    2. No, it wasn't a joke. The raised voices that occurred afterward clearly indicated this. Also, the detailed description of his spanking his nieces. Plus, he and my dad got into it pretty heated.

  6. You know, my dear, I would not hold it against you if you never saw these folks again. They might be "family," but they're crappy to you. Except your brother - he seems like he has a good head on his shoulders!