Saturday, January 16, 2010

What triggers you to spend?

Some people find themselves in debt because they LIKE to spend. New cars, the latest electronics, upgrading furniture, vacations. Doesn't matter what is going on, happy or sad, they just like to spend. While that is not us, at least these people have something to show for their debt.

Some people spend to celebrate. YEAH! I got a new job....let's buy that new tv we have been coveting. YEAH! We have a new baby on the way....let's buy everything we need today.

Some people spend in anger. GRRRR.....I had a bad day at work, so I am going to treat myself to that new CD I wanted....I deserve it. GRRRR.....I had a fight with my spouse, so I am going to make myself feel better by going shopping.

The majority of our credit card debt was "life." Diapers, food, gas. Not to say there wasn't take-out, some clothes, etc too. But if you were to look at the statements over the past 7 years, I would guess at least 75% fall into the "life" category. Outside of our "life" debt....lies the debt from why we spend. Sorrow.

On January 24, G-man and I will celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary. AWWWW. We have had an interesting 12 years to say the least. But for us, our anniversary is a sorrow trigger that we have to fight under the guise of "it's our anniversary."

See...our twin girls died in August 2007. Complication in my pregnancy. No hope. They are gone. They were due on January 24, 2008....our 10th wedding anniversary. They should be almost 2 years old now, but instead, we have their cremated remains in a box in G-man's an area we don't open unless we have to.

And on that fateful 10th anniversary....we "celebrated" as a married couple does.....*blush* And upon our surprise....we got pregnant. (Both of our previous pregnancies were the result of very expensive fertility treatments). So yeah, this was a surprise to say the least. But we were so hopeful....a rainbow baby (that is what a baby is called that comes after the death of a child). Conceived in the love our marriage, and the grief of the sisters that came before. The perfect storm.

Until 2 months and 1 day later that there was no heartbeat, and 3 days later we had a D&C.

Each of our losses triggered something that we bought. With the twin girls, it was a new TV. With our surprise baby (whom refer to as a girl), it was a spending spree a month later when we had a weekend to ourselves while attending a wedding.

So as this Perfect Storm date approaches, we fight the urge to spend. A local chain electronics store is closing.....hmmmmm. The pending move.....gee, shouldn't we upgrade this and that on the house. My car....the check engine light just came on.....does this mean it is going kaput, and we might be car shopping soon.

Don't know. For now, we agreed that we will go out for dinner, with the kids. The rest is up in the air. Trying hard to keep it there.


  1. Why are you trying to make me cry??
    We haven't experienced the loss that you have...but, I can tell you that those first two years, when Isaac was so sick and they didn't know if he'd live...looking back, I think we did spend more. It felt like that was ONE thing that we COULD control. And psychologically, that does make sense (I know...because I took psych 101 twice in college!)
    don't ask.
    I do hope that you can enjoy your anniversary...and that your heart heals.

  2. I feel for you! That woudl be so hard. I know in times of sorrow I spend more, but could not imagine the sorrow you must feel.

    I hope you have a lovely dinner.