Monday, December 21, 2015

Maybe I am a Brat

I am sure at least some of you are thinking it.  So let's talk about it.  Yes, EACH of my 2 kids are getting a laptop for Christmas, and I am not holding that as alot. 

For me personally...if someone got me a laptop, I would be over the moon!  I see the value in the computer.  I see how that will help me with work, banking, and other tasks, without being tied to a desk top (which is what we currently have and have no plans on replacing in the near future).  I know that is an expensive gift, and one that would (and should) replace lots of other things.  That is me..and the world I grew up in.

For my kids...that is not the outside world they know.  Having a computer, a phone, and other electronic devices....that is the norm.  They have never really expressed an interest in having all of these things, even though other kids do have them, and have had them for years.  These items are not exciting.  They are part of their every day world, so they don't hold the magic that they should.

We have never subscribed to the norm, in the sense that when other kids were getting high end technology....we didn't get it for the kids.  We have an original Wii gaming system....not the latest and greatest.  They don't have a smart phone (they do have a super basic phone that is an emergency phone when they are home alone).  They have a tablet that is several years old and they never really got into (I think partly because it was a cheap one and it was very hard to use).  But we did not just go get them technology for the sake of having it.

Our kids have never EVER been kids that WANTED stuff.  Most kids would watch a commercial for a toy, game, product and say "Mom!  I want that!!"  My kids were indifferent.  If they had it, fine.  If not, fine.  They have never been able to come up with lists of things they wanted for birthdays or holidays.  They never want anything.  Sassy will just say books.  Bossy will just look at you.  They don't get excited over STUFF.  They do get more excited over experiences...but they have a hard time with the idea that something that will happen in the future is a gift now.  Earlier this year, Sassy went to Quebec on a school trip, and it was part of her Christmas gift in 2014.  She said ok, but didn't see the connection between the event and it being a gift....particularly since that isn't how it was for most of the kids.

The decision to get them laptops has been an on-going discussion for the past year.  They will be going into High School next school year, and at least for Sassy....more and more work will be done on a computer or by accessing the internet (we are already seeing it happen much more than when we were in CT).  Sassy will be in honors classes, and along with that comes research projects.  And....we are hoping at some point....she finds her niche socially.....and that a computer will be part of her social life.  As for Bossy....he doesn't NEED his own computer; we know that.  But this is where the twin thing comes in for us....how do we get something for her and not for him....or what can we get him that would be equivalent (we couldn't come up with anything).  We thought about a week at Scout camp (which is actually MORE money than we spent on his computer!)...but his health and developmental issues makes camp a question mark.  We can't give him that as a gift (and never mind that he wouldn't understand that his gift is 6 months away) and then decide not to send him because he isn't ready or isn't medically cleared.

So yeah....this is a big gift.....but I don't know if THEY will see it that way.  I think Sassy will to some degree.  I don't see them getting overly excited over this.  And honestly....I could get them 2 dozen things and I doubt they would be excited over that either.  I wanted this Christmas to be the one that they were excited....a new place to live, we have Dad, AND maybe something under the tree that gets a WOW.

I think right now they are very concrete.  They will see 3-4 things, and even if we spent a million dollars....they will only see it as 3-4 things.  And my heart will hurt if they say "is that it?" when we are done opening them.  My heart will hurt that they don't see the bigger picture and my heart will hurt because they are disappointed.

So no...I am not seeing their computers as alot.  It isn't about the money.  It is about finding out if all the other stuff we have given them....the promise that things will get better now that we are all together.....will that be enough......




20 comments:

  1. I absolutely see your point. All will be well mama.

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  2. I completely understand. Every family is different. You are not a brat! You are mom who worries about her children and their happiness. You know your children and their likes and dislikes. Maybe it would help ease your anxiety a bit if you sat down as a family and had a discussion about this Christmas and the expectations of the holiday. Your children sound very mature and responsible. I know it's hard right now. We just moved into a very old rental house this past weekend, as well. We have 10 acres of land we are going to build on. My child is grown (23), but always comes home for Christmas and it pains me that this one won't be as comfortable for her. We just have to do the best we can sometimes for the greater good of the family. Maybe you can still sneak away for a couple of hours today and add those last minute items. If not, it will be okay. You are a wonderful mom and your kids have two great parents who love them dearly. That's really all that matters. Try not to worry (easier said than done) and have a safe and happy day. :)

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    1. I think your daughter will probably "mourn" her childhood home, and your house will never be HOME to her (just as my parents house now is not home). But I bet she will be just fine!!

      Thank you for your kind words. I think tomorrow night will be a G-man/Mysti mini-date evening after dinner to get the stocking stuffers and maybe one more thing per kid. And maybe a coffee for Mom and Dad. :)

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  3. I think it is a perfectly fine Christmas gift. Computer from middle school up are NEEDED for school in these days. Not just a computer, but Microsoft Office. Powerpoint, Spreadsheets, Graphs, Word documents, Letters, etc. Yes, my 6th grader needed those things for classes. You should not have to justify your purchases for your kids.

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    1. Sassy has been using our family computer for all of those needs, so it will be nice for her to have her own unit. We got a deal on Office through G-man's work, so they will have that as well. Last thing to deal with is virus protection.

      We figure that this laptop should last her through high school (my IT brother checked out all the specs and said it is a good unit for our needs) and we will re-evaluate the unit when we hit college.

      I know I shouldn't have to justify my decisions. I willingly opened myself up for the criticism. We really are doing the best we can with all of this...the move, the finances. Certainly room for improvement on some things, by global standards. But we really are trying.

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  4. Here in Texas all of those technology things you mentioned are necessary as well; the speed at which it is moving is incredible. Two years ago ear buds became a required item on our district's school supply list for elementary students!

    I don't think you are being bratty at all - I do think you are being completely realistic. I did have a thought though if putting something else under the tree is still a desire: since you are in a new community perhaps you can search for festivals or annual community events, and make a calendar of sorts of things that look interesting to discover and give your kids a gift of fun to look forward to. This would spread the expense out, but also give some anticipation of making memories.

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  5. You aren't being a brat. A laptop is a big expense but kids don't always see it that way. I would think that it would be very hard to have twins with respect to gifting. My kids don't get equal gifts. They have different wants and needs that come with different ages.

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    1. When they were younger, it was easier to have some unequally in regards to gifts. Not as easy now. But we know that this computer will meet Bossy's needs for far longer than Sassy.

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  6. Perhaps it's just that those devices have become part of the landscape of their lives...yours too, so you don't see them as special...Sort of like the electricity which runs them. Don't know what the answer to that is. It's sad when people are jaded. Oddly, we're by and large a jaded people BECAUSE of our tech. Maybe we all need to step back a bit more.
    From where I sit, these devices bring many hassles, little joy. Oh sure, I like reading blogs, accessing recipes and crafts, but largely, if I go online it's to complete a necessary, but unpleasant task.
    Ultimately, though, I feel if someone is going to celebrate Christmas, it should not bring angst. In fact, quite the opposite! IMHO, I feel that if what you are doing brings you this much stress, you may have to reevaluate how you approach it. I could preach more, but I won't. I have my own cases of missing the point of our observance of Advent and Christmas. Live and learn, I guess. And peace, goodwill to you and your family.

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  7. Every family and situation is different, and I think if my kids received a laptop or computer for a gift, they would be delighted and completely understand if that were the only thing for them under the tree. However, sometimes our own expectations as parents and our ability to make the magic happen at Christmas is hard to reconcile with the reality. As my kids got older and it got more and more difficult to make their birthdays and Christmas memorable experiences, it became almost depressing to try and plan something special. Giving each is a wonderful, practical gift that they will both appreciate long after Christmas 2015.

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  8. You are NOT a brat by any means!

    I think whenever the subject of giving gifts come up, it ends up being a touchy issue because it's such a personal decision. I think it becomes even more of a loaded issue when it's Christmas since people tend to want/expect everyone to observe the holiday as they do - both with gift giving and religious observances.

    You and G-Man have to do what is best for YOU and YOUR family! You aren't being a brat because you worry that the kids will be disappointed that the Christmas isn't quite as large as years past! You want them to happy! That is being a great mom! Spoiled brat? Never!

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  9. You're not a brat, but a caring parent who wants her kids to have what they need and to make them happy. I remember a Christmas we had in Germany,our daughter hadn't wanted to move there, had to give up her horse, hated her new school. It was hard, but it worked out and so will yours

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  10. If they don't get excited by stuff, why wouldn't 3-4 things be "enough stuff." If experiences motivate, why not go to a movie Christmas Day, or an ice rink or some other new local experience as part of the gift. Celebrate being together, make it fun. If "stuff" doesn't motivate them anyway, that seems like it would mean more than buying a bunch of last minute stuff anyways..... You can always put the tickets (or a print out of the "plan") in wrapped boxes so they have more to open and it looks stacked under the tree.

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    1. When you have a child with Autism..it isn't that easy. Finding a movie they both will watch won't happen ( he usually sleeps). His gross motor skills won't support skating. Your idea is good, but needs more planning for us.

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  11. First don't worry what anyone thinks or say. After wrapping gifts for my two (18-21) there isn't much under the tree. When you spend $75.00 on a pair of custom Van shoes and a Betsey Johnson purse for the same amount, many gifts there are not. Throw in over $3,500 of car repairs in the past two months, my kids are at least older and understand. I think from what you have written your kids will love being together, the best gift of all. Cheryl

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  12. Mysti, it has been an absolutely shit year for you guys. I can understand why you feel lacking and preemptively disappointed for your kids, especially Sassy, since you are a big occasion and holiday person. But here's the thing--she knows it has been a tough year even if she doesn't know the financial specifics. I'd spend some alone time with her and talk about the new year and how you're all going to try to make a new start. Maybe you all should write the bad things on slips of paper and burn them, and write your wishes and light candles on new year's night. Just to close out one chapter and celebrate you are all together.

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  13. We have this problem too, as the kids get bigger and want one thing, not a lot of smaller things. You might want to buy some knickknacks and doodads and wrap them up, even if it's just some boxes of cookies and bars of deodorant (dumb, I know, but it fills the underside of the tree.) Gift cards to their favorite take-out place are always appreciated. How about some mugs with hot chocolate mix? Just a few crappy things like that sort of round things out, if you're looking for more stuff to scatter under the tree.

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  14. Just wanted to let you know that you are very smart for getting them laptops to use in high school. At our high school, a laptop is a requirement. If a students does not bring their laptop, they have to rent a Google Chrome from the school for the day. I am not making this up! My daughter graduated before this was a requirement but I got her a Macbook Pro to take her through college apps, AP classes and college.

    However, her laptop was stolen at college so the only advice I do have is make sure that all of their stuff is backed up either to an external hard drive at home or the cloud and teach them about keeping the laptop safe at all times.

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  15. Being a person who works with individuals with Autism and those with FASD, I totally get how hard it is to make holidays truly special. Do what works for your family. You really don't need to explain anything to us.

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