Thursday, April 11, 2013

It is the opposite

Several people mentioned in response to my post yesterday.....get rid of the excess to feel better.  Getting rid of the reminders of what brought in the debt would help.

See....that isn't the problem.  I have the opposite problem.  I don't have anything!

I have said it many times.....the majority of our debt was not from over-spending on was from not being able to afford LIFE.  The debt came from putting gas and food on a CC because our "cash" was being spent on $517 oil bills.  It is from endless car repairs.  It is from medical bills. 

I will not deny that there was some emotional spending.  The year my twins died, I went OVERBOARD on Christmas for the kids, and didn't care.  We bought a tv we had our eye on (32" LCD, which was a major upgrade to what we had, which now is in our bedroom.  And we still have the 32" tv, despite G-man wanting a "bigger" one at some point).

We have eaten out more than we should have.  And I have lamented about my poor meal planning skills.

But the majority of the debt did not come from  vacations, clothing, and self-indulgence.  Therefore, I don't have that to get rid of. 

I look around and see failure because:

  • Our furniture is falling apart and is in tatters, but buying something new isn't an option.  (And no, I don't want to go to Craigslist....why aren't I allowed to want to have something new once in a while, and not someone else's discards?)
  • My clothes are wash-worn and pill-y.  I have very few items of clothes, and none of them are "good quality."  When you don't have alot to choose from, you wear the same things over and over, and then they wear out.  But again, replacement isn't really an option (I know those of you that love the thrift store, but as a little bit "rounder" girl.....the options there are hideous!!).
  • I see my son's medical "iv" pole for his feeding tube.  And it reminds me every day that I was not able to carry my babies into this world safely, and at almost 11 years later, we are still dealing with the effects, both physically, and financially.
  • I see my 100+ year old house, that needs some work.  Our floors need to be refinished (they haven't been done in 13 years).  Our appliances are 20+ years old, and we are on borrowed time.  Our furnace is 60+ years old, and we just hope it holds out a little longer.  The front porch is original, and wood just doesn't last that long outside.
  • I see clutter because we don't have closets (thank you 100 year old house) and we have purchased cheap solutions that don't really work or we piece meal stuff together, and it looks like it.

Are there some options....sure.  But like I said, some of those options are not ones we will choose unless we absolutely have to choose them.   Listen, I am not looking for you guys to solve the problems.  Or tell me that it will get better.  Or flog me for past and current decisions.  Right now....this is just how I feel, and I am going to honor those feelings. 

There has been very little in the past several years that actually went according to plan.  That is just how we roll.  But it is hard to be on this hamster wheel.  And because I choose to blog all of it...the good and the is all out there for people to see and comment on.  That is a choice I have made. 

Call me materialistic because I would like to buy some stuff.  Nice stuff.  New stuff.

Call me irresponsible because I don't have a huge amount of money for household repairs.

Call me gluttonous because we have overspent on food, and because I am overweight.

But I will say (and this part I just recently realized)....there are few people in the world that can handle the life I have had in the past 10+ years.  And for that....I know that this phase will pass too.  But right now, all I see is the failure and what I don't have (and no, I don't want to see what I do have.....)


  1. It is SO difficult to work so hard and have so little to show for it. I do understand as not a single stick of furniture in my house was actually new when I got it. I'm also a bit "rounder" and super short on top of it -- thrift stores can be difficult --- but there are SOME options out there. Sometimes. I do NOT think you are materialistic, I just thinkyou are a bit fed up right now. And that's okay too. HUGS!

  2. Success is a strong motivator to continue the struggle, and when you're not experiencing any, it can make the struggle almost unbearable. But as you point out in your last paragraph, you know in your head you are successful at some pretty significant things, like managing a LOT of life's curve balls (and being a great mom; it shines through in your blog). And if you're materialistic for wanting to buy nice stuff, then I'm right there with you. Sending a virtual hug your way!

  3. I totally get where you are coming from. I could have written this myself. Nothing in over 20 years has gone according to plan and it gets depressing to say the least. When you've always had hand-me-down furniture or when you could afford to buy something "new" it was the cheap particle board stuff that didn't last - that was us. So, I totally get wanting something new and not from craigslist. We've just gradually been trying to replace the stuff that's old and worn out (or was too cheap and didn't last long) with good quality items. About 8 years ago I said "there will never be a piece of furniture in this house made of particle board again!". Not everything is new that we've replaced, DS's oak desk was my parents, DH's cherrywood desk we got off craigslist, but our bed and dresser were new and our sofa was new.

    All our bills we had weren't because we had bought material stuff either - it was all to DH's failed business and medical bills. Sometimes I almost think I would have felt "better" about it all if I had at least been left with some "stuff", you know? I have clothes I've had for 10-15 years..and none of it is designer/brand name. And I have a house falling apart around me that we can't keep up with.

    I understand you completely on all this and I think how I have dealt with it over the years is just to try NOT to think about it, but every once in awhile it gets to you, that's for sure.

  4. Sorry! I sent you a little something on email and did a post about you today! check it out!


  5. I understand completely were you are coming from and how you are feeling because I feel similar about my own life. It is hard.

  6. Mysti I am in the same boat you are, but I found a way to make a good living. You need and can do this. Keep working at finding your dream. And if you want new furniture and can afford the payment go get it! Life is short your bills will be paid.

  7. Sometimes life hits hard financially. My mother is in the same boat. She is in debt up to her eye balls with late bills and a high cost of living up in RI. She is always trying to work out payments, promises everyone money each week. When I talk to her, she is telling me that she has nothing to serve for a meal (she is a very materialistic person, with a very expensive palate).

    I have found that in order to be OK with life, I have chosen to accept what is given to me and make the best of it. It is not easy. I have five people in my family that I must make sure they are taken care of. Two of them have mental illness, one is autistic, and the other is "a nurturer". I work full time and support all of them.

    Try and check out some discontinued clearance pieces of furniture. Sometimes the floor models are cheaper due to things such as a scratch, or a small ding, or just wanting the pieces to be out of the show rooms to make room for new merchandise.

    As for the medical equipment, call the company and see if they have what's called a scholarship (meaning financial assistance)to help defer some of the costs for the cough assist. Does your son qualify for medicaid? That may be a route that needs to be looked at.

  8. Hi there,
    Im a new reader and follower of your blog. Im sorry about how you're feeling but I get it..I can't say I fully understand your situation yet because I haven't gone into the archives which I plan to do tonight but from this post I can feel your pain. I've been sick for the last 20 years and my husband is not in good shape either. I understand about wanting something 'new' and needing repairs and not having the money for it. I'm in the same position. I also understand about grief spending. Did the same thing when my mom died for years.
    All I can say is hang in there take it a day at a time sometimes it's an hour at a time.. There is a light at the end of the tunnel..
    I just yesterday decided to start blogging about my debt because I have been reading others blogs about theirs and I thought well, maybe if I join in it will help me too. I've only recently learned to become responsible with money and yet sometimes I still fall off the wagon or life pushes me off more often than not. I hope you'll stop by sometime..
    Sending good thoughts your way..

  9. I call you a real human with real emotions. You've had many heartbreaks over the years. I'm sorry for your pain. Hugs.

  10. I think you are rationalizing your very value feelings. You've been dealt bad cards in the game of life - but that doesn't means that you have to put up and shut up. Nothing will ever change then. But for you I hope that things will change for the better and hopefully your money worries will be over.

  11. Materialistic people buy things to impress others. You are not materialistic. You are tired. Maybe taking a break from blogging about money and debt would refresh you?

  12. Can I make a stupid suggestion? Why don't you and G-Man make a list of the things that you need to/want to fix? And then prioritize them. And then when you get those "extras" go down the list. And if the extra isn't enough to cross off the first one, save it until the second one comes in. Put the list up somewhere you can see it constantly. Maybe make a little savings bar next to it and color it in. Something you can see every day, through the day, that reminds you of the progress you ARE making towards your goals. And it's also something to hold you accountable to your priorities. I know that's one of your self-admitted problems-- your shift priorities ALL the time. This visual might help that out and not leave you feeling so... lost and failing. Maybe?

  13. I get where you're coming from too. I'm a new reader/follower as well, but I'm sending a big hug your way.

  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. This is horrible advice. Add more debt.....seriously?????

  15. I relate to so much of what you feel! And of course you want new furniture. The only real piece of furniture is my bed, and I bought it three years ago with student loans (pathetic, I know). Old couches are full of germs, and people never sell stuff that's nice. That goes three times over if it's free. When I worked at the Salvation Army people donated ripped stained crap just to get a tax deduction. People are so selfish.

    I am so broke. I wish I could help you. I'm glad that one person at least has offered you some help. Debt and not having enough really sucks.

    Not having decent clothes to wear really trashes your self esteem. I was struggling with barely having any clothes, and definitely nothing fashionable that made me feel good. Stuff falls by the wayside when you're struggling.

    This probably doesn't help much, and it's probably already something you've thought of, but IKEA furniture is a lot cheaper. Maybe you could get a futon from Walmart. I know it's not that great, but it's less expensive. Even though it may not be the best, it would be nice to have something new.

    The home repairs, I can't even imagine. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.