See....that isn't the problem. I have the opposite problem. I don't have anything!
I have said it many times.....the majority of our debt was not from over-spending on stuff....it was from not being able to afford LIFE. The debt came from putting gas and food on a CC because our "cash" was being spent on $517 oil bills. It is from endless car repairs. It is from medical bills.
I will not deny that there was some emotional spending. The year my twins died, I went OVERBOARD on Christmas for the kids, and didn't care. We bought a tv we had our eye on (32" LCD, which was a major upgrade to what we had, which now is in our bedroom. And we still have the 32" tv, despite G-man wanting a "bigger" one at some point).
We have eaten out more than we should have. And I have lamented about my poor meal planning skills.
But the majority of the debt did not come from vacations, clothing, and self-indulgence. Therefore, I don't have that to get rid of.
I look around and see failure because:
- Our furniture is falling apart and is in tatters, but buying something new isn't an option. (And no, I don't want to go to Craigslist....why aren't I allowed to want to have something new once in a while, and not someone else's discards?)
- My clothes are wash-worn and pill-y. I have very few items of clothes, and none of them are "good quality." When you don't have alot to choose from, you wear the same things over and over, and then they wear out. But again, replacement isn't really an option (I know those of you that love the thrift store, but as a little bit "rounder" girl.....the options there are hideous!!).
- I see my son's medical "iv" pole for his feeding tube. And it reminds me every day that I was not able to carry my babies into this world safely, and at almost 11 years later, we are still dealing with the effects, both physically, and financially.
- I see my 100+ year old house, that needs some work. Our floors need to be refinished (they haven't been done in 13 years). Our appliances are 20+ years old, and we are on borrowed time. Our furnace is 60+ years old, and we just hope it holds out a little longer. The front porch is original, and wood just doesn't last that long outside.
- I see clutter because we don't have closets (thank you 100 year old house) and we have purchased cheap solutions that don't really work or we piece meal stuff together, and it looks like it.
Are there some options....sure. But like I said, some of those options are not ones we will choose unless we absolutely have to choose them. Listen, I am not looking for you guys to solve the problems. Or tell me that it will get better. Or flog me for past and current decisions. Right now....this is just how I feel, and I am going to honor those feelings.
There has been very little in the past several years that actually went according to plan. That is just how we roll. But it is hard to be on this hamster wheel. And because I choose to blog all of it...the good and the bad...it is all out there for people to see and comment on. That is a choice I have made.
Call me materialistic because I would like to buy some stuff. Nice stuff. New stuff.
Call me irresponsible because I don't have a huge amount of money for household repairs.
Call me gluttonous because we have overspent on food, and because I am overweight.
But I will say (and this part I just recently realized)....there are few people in the world that can handle the life I have had in the past 10+ years. And for that....I know that this phase will pass too. But right now, all I see is the failure and what I don't have (and no, I don't want to see what I do have.....)