Monday, April 15, 2013

Perfectionism

I appreciate everyone's support as I am working through my "down in the dumps" state right now.  HS over at Our Debt Blog (and his family!) were so so very generous and gifted me a $100 Gift Card to JCPenney, which I plan on using tomorrow evening after work.  So, thank you HS Family!!!!

A few of you mentioned "have we made a list of priorities."  Oh yes.  We have a rather large list, room by room, of the things we would like to do (cosmetic), need repairing, or will need replacing in the future.  It is overwhelming. 

A word to the wise....don't let it all pile up.....it then takes on a life of its own!

The priority shift many times is a result of my personal anxiety, and what is triggering it at the moment.  There are days that I feel like we need to paint because I see the chipped off paint on the moulding and then I obsess over it.  Other days, the holes in the slipcover trigger me, and I obsess on the furniture.  There are days that I stress about the "home office" area, and days it doesn't bother me.  It really just depends on the day and my mood.

Now, some of you are going to argue with me on this next point, but seriously, this is how my brain works:  If there is a project.....it is all or nothing.

This is how perfectionism works.  "Good Enough" doesn't exist.  If you start something, you have to do it ALL.  And it has to be the way it has to be.  And if you are unable to do that.....you tend to not do it all.  If you aren't a true perfectionist....this will make no sense.  If you are....you get it.  And in my case, I am not saying that I can't do any project.....I am saying that if I start a project, I will have to do it all.....I can't just do a little to lift my spirits.  The part that isn't done will drive me insane, and will cause me to want to finish, and financially that isn't possible.  (And just so you know, the line of "finished" is completely arbitrary.  Your definition will probably be very different from mine.)

So right now I am in a "paralyzed" state.  We can't do what we want, but we need to do something.  So it is figuring out what we can do, give time and budget constraints...that won't set off other "issues." 

As it is a 3-paycheck month for G-man....we have a little play.  But this has to be balanced with the "needs," such as the kids clothes (um, Sassy tried on all her spring and summer stuff.....yeah....she has a few pairs of play shorts and 2 t-shirts, and that is all that fit!). 

This is why I said the other day that some of the decisions we make might not be popular.  We may choose to spend some money.  We may choose to just "save" it, and not even use it toward debt.  I don't know yet. 

I wish this was easier.  Some of you will think it is easy....just pick something and do it!  But really, in my little warped brain, I will play out every scenario that could possibly happen (and I have done this about many things, since I was a kid), and I have to let them play out in there until one wins.  Yeah, I really am like this.

Stay tuned!

12 comments:

  1. Good luck working on your list. I can't say I am a perfectionist, but I do understand where you're coming from. I am more of a "a little bit is enough, better than nothing". And if that extra check comes, it is extra. What you do with it is up to you!

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    1. I really wish I could embrace the "little bit" idea!

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  2. I can relate. The BF is the same way. And that is why he cannot budget. He will start a project, and be damned the costs! Grrrrr

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    1. I won't go that far. I have the tendency to price out everything I want to do....then get upset that we can't do that.....then here we are.

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  3. I can so relate to this!.. My husband was unable to move much for the last 5 years. He's had a back surgery or neck surgery every 2 years since 2005.. His most recent was a complete spinal reconstruction this past Nov. I myself am disabled so I can't do all the repairs, painting etc either so I depend on him. I walk around some days and look at everything around me and it just causes anxiety. Then I walk around wondering how I can find money to pain etc pay bills,pay down debt. There's never enough and it can be SO frustrating!!My birthday is Thursday this week and I am supposed to go shopping at Goodys as I got a 10 dollar gift card from them plus a 20% off coupon. Honestly? I want to walk in there and max out my Goodys credit card because I am just feeling so STUCK no matter what way I turn.. Im sorry you're going through this too. I hope it passes quickly for both of us..

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    1. Happy Pre-Birthday! I have had those days too where you just don't care and just want to do something! Find yourself the perfect shirt (shoes, bag....whatever floats your boat), and wish yourself a Happy B-day!

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  4. I am with you -- for me it snowballs. We could fix the dry wall, but then we'd need to paint .... and then we'd need new wall decor to put on the pretty walls ... and of course we'd have to buy new furniture because we can't have yucky furniture in a newly painted/ newly decored room. I relate my whole life to "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" .... hmmmm maybe that will be the title of my next post LOL

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    1. In our house we call it "Pandora's Box." You open it just a little....and then BAM.

      That is sort of the problem with the living room. It needs to be painted, but I can't pick a color unless I know what the furniture will be (no sense in matching the broken furniture). And the rug is worn as well....and then, and then.....

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  5. Ugh, I deal with the all or nothing approach a lot. Between a typA personality and chronic fatigue... Well, it ain't pretty. My newest idea was to make a list separated into small projects and big ones. I want to tackle one big project a month so as not to tax the budget. I'm going to try to do one small one each week. But frankly, I'll be happy with one a month there too. If I try to do too much then I get that same overwhelmed feeling you describe. Then I blame myself (a near-constant hobby for us depressives) and it starts a shame spiral that sucks up most of the energy/coping skills I have left. By the way, the shifting priorities is completely normal. When I see I need to touch up parts of the kitchen paint, that's clearly the biggest deal. Then suddenly it's screening in the porch. And so on and so forth.

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  6. I too am a perfectionist and I understand the have to finish it mentality. I cannot stand an unfinished project. But you can find some small thing to do, it will help your mood, trust me. Some times I just clean out a drawer. Or straighten the closet.

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    1. I have been doing some small things....but hate to say it....it ain't working.

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