I would like to take a second to thank Dogfood Provider and Jolyn for taking time to respond. Jolyn asked my thoughts to the responses....so here ya go.
First, I know that this post is going to sound whiny and full of excuses. I already know.
I am not sure how much you all in cyberspace know about Autism...but routine, predictablity, and constants are a huge cornerstone. Bossy Boy doesn't function at all without these things in place. We are not a fly by the seat of your pants family. It is all calculated so we can prepare him. Life's sudden curveballs don't sit well with him. And trust me, dealing with your own anger, grief, sadness, frustration, when you are trying to deal with a tantruming child....it ain't fun.
Rental property....it isn't about the space (our house is only 1300 sq ft) per se. But we need to keep the kids apart from each other, for our sanity. So moving to a smaller place will increase Bossy's anxiety level, which will in turn make things all around harder for ALL of us.
Rents here do not include utilities. We rented before buying here. And when we bought, our rent was the same as our mortgage. Plus the cats.....no idea if the cats would be able to come with us (we have 3) and I AM NOT giving up my cats. We might be able to save a little money, but we would lose our tax deduction. We don't have alot of deductions, and losing the deduction would probably negate any monthly savings.
That being said....we would want to keep the kids in the same school. He has a good program there. The school is wonderful. The PTA support and the principal are top notch. They are in the best school in our district. So our options would be slim. We are half way between our jobs right now, so we would have to stay fairly close to this area. And neighboring schools aren't as good as where we are now.
There is a chance we wouldn't make enough on our house to cover the mortgage. So we would have to come up with the difference.....If we moved out of state....we would deal with the chaos of it with Bossy, but we would know it would be a permanent move.
Moving just for now....not an option. No....unless we were making a global change that was permanent and for the better long term....we can't do it.
As for the ELP....I am a little gun shy after the financial advisor debockle. It is a thought though.