Sorry that this week seems to be a wedding-heavy posting week....and it isn't even my wedding!
My boss asked me yesterday if we were going to the church for the ceremony. Um, yeah. Then he asked if "everyone" is going to the church (as in, the rest of the work crew....aka The Party Table!). Um, to the best of my knowledge...yeah, everyone is going. Then he went on to say that he has attended many weddings where there were 4x more people at the reception than at the wedding itself.
Now, I know there are religions where the wedding itself is a sacred
event, and unless you are part of that particular religion, you are not
allowed to witness it. That is a COMPLETELY different idea, and not
what I am talking about. I am talking about when you have been invited to the ceremony and reception...and CHOOSE not to go to the ceremony.
I look at it that we were invited to a WEDDING. To witness two people publicly declaring their love and committing to share their lives together. It is a special moment for this couple, and it is an honor to be asked to witness it and share in the joy of it all. The reception is sort of a bonus. Yes, the reception is fun. Food, drinks, music, dancing (no offense to
anyone who doesn't include any of these items due to religious belief).
Let's call it what it is.....a PARTY. A very expensive party. It is
fun and celebratory....but in the end, it is a party.
My friend originally was planning a much larger, involved wedding for later this year. She was so unhappy. She finally said that she wanted her wedding to be about the people that she and her fiance love and spend their time with; not about having to invite people because you are obligated. So she moved up the date, and planned a much smaller scale wedding that was more about intimacy than flash. Even still...she is sitting at just 100 people (which was about where our wedding was). But the original event was coming in closer to 250-300.
As for the work crew....she invited 5 of us (and our spouses). She felt we were the ones that she worked most closely with, and wanted to share her day with. It was hard for her to let go of the idea of inviting EVERYONE, but when she really thought about it....she wanted her wedding to be about the people in their lives, not about obligation. She never announced who was invited and who wasn't...it was just kept quiet amongst those of who are going. I know this can make for an awkward situation, but it seemed to have worked out.
I am excited for the couple. The weather appears to be holding out (tomorrow should be low to mid 70's, sunny, and 0% chance of rain). I know my friend has been waiting a long time for this (they have been together 5 years), and she is so happy to finally arrive at this! I am sure it will be beautiful and special. And I am so honored to be part of it.
Have you ever not attended a wedding ceremony and just went to the reception? If so, why? How would you feel if that happened to you?
The opposite seems to be true in the Midwest (or at least the part of the Midwest I'm from)-- people will attend the ceremony and then leave before the reception. When there's two hours between the wedding and the reception and the reception kind of sucks (I didn't understand why someone would actually *enjoy* a wedding reception until I went to a wedding in the South), I can understand that. We've ditched receptions early on occasion so we could hang out with friends without ear-shattering music blaring.
ReplyDeleteThat is interesting. Maybe it is a regional thing. Here in the Northeast, typically the reception immediately follows the service, so no lag time.
DeleteThat's when they do pictures. They can't do them before the wedding because the groom isn't supposed to see the bride. They can't do them after the reception because the couple isn't all fresh and shiny anymore (and is often on the way to their honeymoon).
DeleteWe just didn't do pictures.
Yes, there's nothing worse than sitting through a catholic wedding where the priest tells everyone they sin! Lol so we usually skip catholic church and just attend the reception.
ReplyDeleteHS
I know I sin....the clergy can say it all they want. Doesn't bother me. I just enjoy watching the couple actually get married.
DeleteI've been to some weddings as a guest, and too many as staff/employee. I do attend the ceremony, if requested to do so. Sometimes, there just isnt as many available seats at the church/wedding ceremony as there are for the reception. A lot of times, only the closer family and friends get invited into the actual ceremony, and then everyone celebrates with the B+G their marriage during the reception. I have never actually thought about it as you presented it. I don't think it would really bother people, since church is a very personal thing.
ReplyDeleteSee, I have a problem with just inviting people to the reception (unless it is for true religious reasons). It just seems like you are asking for gifts instead of wanting the person there for your MARRIAGE.
DeleteMy brother and sister-in-law had a small ceremony and a big reception. The chapel they got married in simply could not hold as many people as they wanted, so they invited close friends and family to the ceremony and then invited many more to help them celebrate their marriage at the reception. For our wedding if you were invited to the ceremony, you were in invited to the reception. I don't know if some people skipped out on the ceremony or not.
ReplyDeleteI guess I don't get that concept. If you want the person to help you celebrate, then why exclude them from the real reason they are there to celebrate?
DeleteI have heard of people attending a wedding but not the reception. I'm not sure I've ever heard of attending the reception but not the wedding ceremony.
ReplyDeleteApparently this is more common than I thought....
DeleteWhen we go to a wedding, we usually attend both the ceremony and reception. For our wedding, though, we only invited parents and grandparents to the ceremony. The rest of the family and friends were invited to the fun reception afterwards. We heard some negative comments from some people, and some people didn't show up (I guess they felt slighted to not be invited to the ceremony, but we let that all go. It was the way we wanted it and we were happy how it turned out:)
ReplyDeleteI am happy that you were happy with how it turned out. Just curious...why didn't you invite everyone to the ceremony?
DeleteWe wanted something small and we both have pretty big families. By the time we thought about everyone we would need to invite, the number was over 150 - just for family! Neither of us would be very comfortable standing in front of that many people to exchange vows that were very personal to us. So, we just decided to do the small ceremony and celebrate with everyone afterwards.
DeleteI try to attend ceremony and reception but there have been times when the ceremony is for certain religion and if you are not of that faith not attending is actual preferred. I have also been to weddings where the church ceremony was more fun than the reception (i.e. Sister in laws wedding that we traveled 4 hours for and then she had my husband work it as the videographer while I dealt alone with a 4 week old baby). Our wedding was small (about 20 ppl, none of DH's family, planned on the fly because we decided being married was more important to us than the big party and expense) and it was very special to us. We decided to do a big celebration for our 10 year anniversary and quite frankly this is will only be important people to us, who have at least wished us well in our marriage (so in laws may not be invited, sadly).
ReplyDeleteI guess in the end having the people who are important to you attend is at the core of things.
DeleteWhen is your 10 year?
I think it's tacky to go to the reception but not the wedding. It says "I think enough of you to eat your food, drink your drinks and dance to your music, but not enough to actually care to witness the reason for the celebration."
ReplyDeleteI have attended a wedding and then not the reception. We were coworkers and I didn't want to feel like I was intruding into her private life. I did show my support by going to the wedding, but I didn't want to go to the reception. I know it would have been fine, I just didn't feel comfortable.
I can mostly relate to Alice's comment, I too find it cheap for people to come eat my food and drink my wine, but can't be bothered to be there for the reason we are even having a party. Having said that, I would not feel like I was intruding into someone's private life if they had sent me an invitation. If that was going to stress the couple out in any way, it would have done so long before the day, on the actual day you pretty much don't care about details like that any more!
Deletewow, no, it's never occurred to me that people think thats OK.
ReplyDeleteI think it's bad manners unless there is a good reason that prevents you making it to the wedding on time... I guess you learn something new everyday!\
I've never just gone to the reception. I think that's rude. My husband's boss never made the ceremony and showed up an hour late to the reception. He ate and then left. He didn't even give us a gift - not even a card. (We also had another person - a relative on my husband's side, give us a $15 check that bounced.)
ReplyDelete