Thursday, September 26, 2013

Dirty Little (Money) Secrets

We all have them.  Something we don't like to admit, or just "forget" to mention.  So Quid Pro Quo....if I tell you mine, will you tell me yours?

Now, we can't just have a blubbery mess of every secret....this ain't Jerry Springer.  So for today....I will share one.  MAYBE if I am not alone in this venture, I will share again another time.  Who is willing to share???   I am going to start small.....can't spill the big beans yet!

When G-man was in Boston after the Marathon bombing, he bought me a gift.  An "engagement" ring.  Before anyone goes "awwwwww, that is sweet," I was less than happy.  See, after G-man and I reconciled, I told him that I would never wear my "wedding rings" again.  So for 2.5 years, I have not had a ring.  We have talked about renewing our vows, and getting new rings at that point. But that was awhile ago, and we both know that what we really want is just not going to happen anytime soon, so it has been tabled.

Well, G-man sometimes goes off the rails.

Additionally, I told him (way back then) that I wanted him to repropose to me.  My previous one(s)....yeah, that is a whole OTHER story.....were less than romantic.  I am not talking Jumbo-tron or anything....but I wanted a well thought out, romantic, grand gesture. 

Well, G-man sometimes goes off the rails.

While he was gone, I was doing some banking, which involves checking the balances on the accounts.  And I noticed a $200 charge from a Handbag store in Boston.  Now, my birthday was about 2 weeks away, so I THOUGHT he bought me a nice handbag for my birthday (I had mentioned a Coach bag that I liked........)  Now, I wasn't thrilled he charged $200 on a gift, but I wasn't going to squash him down.  In my head I had already figured we would make it my birthday and Christmas gift.

He gets home, takes his stuff upstairs, and yells for me to come up for a sec.  Ok. I sit down and he has this guilty look on his face.  "OK, what did you do?"

He tells me that he debated this purchase, but went ahead.  And he STARTS with, "this is fake, but...." And he proceeds to go on how he can't afford anything like we have talked about, and that I will have to help him figure it out (yes, that I, as in Mysti....will have to find the money) so he can buy what I would like.

And he loves me....and will I marry him.

And proceeds to hand me this GAUDY FAKE RING.  This ring is supposed to look like a real stone, and from a distance, it does.  But anyone who has actually seen a diamond will know up close that this is a fake.  It isn't anything CLOSE to ANYTHING that I have EVER looked at.  Not the shape, not the setting.  NOTHING.

The crowning doesn't fit.  It is a fake ring, and isn't designed to be resized or anything.  But there was NO chance it would fit.  I got it on my was a little big, but it more or less fit my pinky.

He spent $200 on a fake diamond ring, that doesn't fit, and since he bought it at a little boutique in Boston....can't be returned.

My grand gesture of romance was sitting on my bed....telling me he bought me a fake ring....and telling me to figure out how to pay for a real one.

He proceeded to tell me that we can use the money from his "guy weekend" that was cancelled (oh, postponed) to pay it off.  Yeah.....sure.  (He leaves tomorrow for the rescheduled guy weekend, with the money that was supposed to pay off the ring).

$200 well spent, don't you think???

He thought he was going to have to go back to Boston, and we talked about returning the ring.  But since he didn't go.....that didn't happen.  I don't even know where the ring is at this point.  He has it somewhere.

$200 could have made an extra car payment (almost).  Or the dental bill would be half of what it is now.  $200 could have bought a coffee table to go with the new furniture.  Heck, $200 would have bought a REAL diamond chip!  But is probably a 2 carat fake ring. 

Sweet thought.......horrible execution.....and horrible timing. I had to pay off this purchase out of our budget.....he still gets to go to guy weekend.....I still don't have a grand gesture or a ring (which for the record....was not something I had been talking about at all).

So spill it.....what is a little money secret you have???


  1. I am going to be honest with you. If he were to read this post, he might be hurt. I think his intention was good. Sure he blew $200 that you can't get back....but in the grand scheme of things....oh well. I would think his feelings would be more important.

    My- wish I could change it- money moment was when my husband bought his used 1999 dodge Dakota back in 2004. He decided he was buying a truck...come hell or high water. I was totally against it. He took 14k out of the spousal RRSP(Canadian retirement savings) and bought the truck off some guy in Toronto. About a month(not even) goes by and it is making noises. Very long and depressing story short, we put 14k in repairs(including replacing the transmission twice) within the first 5 years he had it. Last year he sold it for a $1000 and now drives a brand new Honda. I had to get over the fact that basically 30k was wasted on a used truck. Oh and we found a joint under the floor mat a few weeks after buying it. And one smoked it :)

    That is my "shameful" money secret.

    1. are you joking me? why are women always supposed to be concerned about their husband's feelings and they get a free pass just because they can't be bothered to THINK for two seconds about what their wives actually want?

      I had a bf once who gave me a box of godiva chocolates. I HATE godiva chocolates and he knew this, but he told me that he thought I would love the christmas wrapping paper, because i love christmas. Seriously.
      I also hate tomatoes, but he wouldn't think of giving me a basket of tomatoes and telling me he thought I would like it because the basket is pretty...???

  2. He already knows all of this. There was a short time right after he got home where he thought he may have to go back to Boston, so we talked about returning this ring. Like I said, it was a sweet thought....but the execution terrible. And this just one story in a long line of blowing money because he didn't think it through (not that I am absolved of this by any means...but the scales are tipped in his direction). But how would you feel if your husband started your proposal with "this is fake....."

    I am sorry you spent 30k on a used truck! UGH. I wouldn't call it shameful though. And SURE you didn't smoke the ;)

  3. A similar "engaging" tale about my engagement ring...

    I picked out my ring. I knew what I wanted and DH wanted the help. I KNEW when DH bought the ring. He held onto the ring for almost a year before we got engaged (long story not 100% his fault but still irritating). He proposed and the ring looked NOTHING like the ring I had picked out. I threw a huge fit and accused him of buying the wrong ring... well it was the right ring but the stone was set really really high so it looked totally different. Needless to say he took it back and got the stone reset... the store was so confused about it since he had the ring for a year by this point. Thankfully they fixed it but it was awkward situation. He said afterwards "I thought it looked funny" hmmmmmm and you didn't think to check it! Guys! Never worried about the details!

    1. My "first" engagement ring I picked out....and long story short, the store switched out the diamond when Gman picked it up. I kept looking at the ring and saying it didn't look right. When we figured out what happened, we returned it.

      Some time I will share my engagement stories....because there are 3!

  4. I once used my work bonus to buy the used vehicle of my dreams without checking with my DH first. Bad me! Bad, bad, bad! The worst part about it, though, was that my husband could not comfortably drive it. I loved that car for the time I owned it, and after driving it my DH was pretty understanding about it. Still, I could have consulted with him prior to the purchase, but I made a conscious choice not to go through the drama that comes with nearly every major purchase. When it's not an easy, instant yay or nay, the item in question is always too expensive or not worth it or he wants to think about it until it's gone and then express regret and obsess about it afterwards. While in that instance I was absolutely correct about the condition of the vehicle, it bothered me for years afterward that I bought it without consulting him.

    Janelle B.

    1. That is a big purchase to make without talking it over with your hubby. What kind of car was it, and why did you have to make a spur of the moment decision?

    2. It was a 1998 Toyota 4Runner. It was most definitely an impulse decision, but in my defense we'd been looking for several months and each and every time I found one that I liked, wanted, and was ready to purchase, my DH would rag on it and drag his feet until it was sold and then have endless remorse about not coming to a decision sooner. Like so many other things, it just dragged out to the point where I was ready to either take matters into my own hands or divorce him out of sheer frustration with his indecisiveness. Our communication has improved through the years, and we both understand our strengths/weaknesses in finances, so it's extremely unlikely I'll it again.

      This was an excellent post, Mysti. I hope you continue this trend.

  5. I'm not really sure if it is a money secret but the firm I work for changed insurance carriers during open enrollment. It is the large carrier in Wisconsin. Well they do not cover any of the expenses for the doctors or facilities that myself and my daughter use. Frankly, I think this carrier lied to our benefits people by telling them that only 6 families in the firm use the same medical facility. Ended up that it is a little over half of the families use the same facility. Anyway....I refused to switch to the medical facility that they cover 100%, well because I just don't like them or the care they provide. So after a summer with some medical issues for my daughter that included her need for an MRI of her brain, I have over $8k in medical bills to pay. Tough to swallow but I refused to compromise our care because the insurance carrier didn't like that the facility charged 10% more than the one they cover 100%. Oh and did I mention that we have HDHP plans, so I would still have to pay $6k before they even picked up one red cent. The rub comes that I have to get my daughter an eye exam and glasses and that is not even offered with our plan to begin with, so that has been put off and I really feel horrible about it.

  6. I read every single post but hardly ever comment, but after reading your next post (after this one), I thought I would put in my two cents. I don't think you are a bitch at all for feeling this way. I would have been BUTT HURT if my husband did this to me.
    My husband and I got married quickly so I didn't even have an engagement ring. We've been married for 3.5 years and I still don't have one, and I paid for our wedding rings. We are finally getting to the point where we can afford to buy one, but because I am still the primary breadwinner (by a good chunk) I don't feel comfortable "buying" my own ring. I feel like myt husband should have to make a sacrifice --and I'm charging him interest after 3.5 years of marriage! So when he finally gets hired full-time as a firefighter, I definitely plan on using his first couple of paychecks to buy myself a fat diamond ring.