We survived. That in itself is a feat.
The kids were both battling a cold while we were there, but as a whole, they did great. Bossy tended to melt down at bedtime, but I think he was so off of routine that he needed to blow off steam. Sassy kept herself busy with brain puzzles and drawing.
My mom.....my mom literally only came out of her room to have dinner. Otherwise, she was in bed. She showered once in the FOUR days we were there (and that was because I made her). Apparently she just stays in bed. Dad made excuses for her. By Saturday afternoon I was ticked off that we came there, and she barely could acknowledge us. Dad made excuses....he didn't want to hear what I had to say on that subject. And before someone says depression....I have already gone there. I am positive that is a piece that they refuse to see.
I fell into old patterns (man, it is easy to do....). Waiting on Mom, doing laundry. Cooking. I had to conscientiously stop myself.
Dad and I had a blow out Saturday. He pulled his typical "I am right, you are wrong" stance. This also includes the ever popular "I am the parent, and you are the child" stance. I told him I am done with all of this. I have hit my threshold and I need a break. He (very childishly) responded that they hit their threshold with me too. I really don't think they get it.
They didn't give the kids their birthday presents....the ones they never sent in August but promised they would get in the mail "next week." At dinner one night, I mentioned G-man's birthday (which was last week), and not one person at the table said Happy Birthday to him.
As a whole, it was just sad. My mom will do nothing to help herself and my dad allows it. My dad was much more lucid than in the past, but has such tunnel vision he is unable to to see beyond what he wants to. They expect me to fall in line and just accept everything they have to say as fact. They don't want to be questioned on anything.
I did get a feeble attempt at a hug before we left...."thanks for everything." Neither told me they love me. I got on the plane knowing there is a very strong chance that will be the last time I will see them. And it was sad.
I am emotionally exhausted, and today I need to de-tripify (like that word???), and get ready for the rest of the week.
Purely by the numbers....we spent about $1500 on this trip.....money we didn't have, and now will spend months paying off. It is done. They didn't offer to help us, and I didn't ask. Asking would mean there were strings, and I was cutting all of those.
There ya go....the recap.
My mom too is changing. She seldom gets around and we have to make her bathe. I think she is just really depressed after her hear attacks and has no energy. But I think depression is the real culprit and you as the child cannot make them help themselves. I am so sorry. This is so hard, but you did the right thing. You went you loved them as much s they allowed and that is what they wanted. You are a good daughter even if they make you feel other wise.
ReplyDeleteI will always love my parents, but I can't deal with them anymore. My parents are only in their 60's....but they act more like 80.
DeleteWell at least you went & did what you wanted to do... Sorry that you don't feel any better about things with your parents... :(
ReplyDeleteIt is ok...nothing happened that I didn't expect.
DeleteDid I miss an earlier post where you explained why it was important to go at this time, when you didn't have the money and knowing (mostly likely) that they would treat you like this? Not trying to be mean or judgmental, I guess I was just wondering why you would spend that kind of money unless it was a very important reason to be there and go through having yourself and your family treated like that.
ReplyDeleteIt was my parent's 40th anniversary, and it was one of the only times both my brother and I could go at the same time.
DeleteAdditionally, there have been several things that have happened in the past 6 months that made it necessary to have some "discussions" sooner than later.
oh yes, that is a good reason, I mist have missed that post! So sorry they couldn't enjoy you all being there for their anniversary
DeleteNot sure what can be said that you don't already know. You're a great parent, spouse and friend. You can't make other people act any certain way. If your parents wont recognize or appreciate you, sadly, that's it and that's that. You can continue to do your part, but if the lack of appreciation hurts (and it does, trust me), then just do what you can and move on. It is absolutely not worth it. It's an uphill climb that doesn't end, and you don't need their approval anymore. Some people just can't be pleased. I stopped trying to please my parents way too long ago, and though I still care for them, I'm painfully aware this is a one way street most of the way. Glad you made it back! Give yourself a treat for surviving that and back to that laundry-machine 'normal' setting you've spoken about.
ReplyDeleteYou are aware thanksgiving is coming up right?!
ReplyDeleteWhat does that matter? We live 800 miles away and haven't spent Thanksgiving with them in 10 yrs. We do all holidays on our own. No one comes to see us, and the only time we traveled was when my father in law was dying.
DeleteMy kids don't know that most people spend holidays with family. It isn't the world they live in.
I am so sorry, but you have made the effort so it is up to them to make the next move. You can pick your friends but you're stuck with your family, I totally sympathize..
ReplyDeleteGill
It's not sad that they behaved that way, because they are what they are. It's sad that you didn't get decent parents in the first place. You deserved better. You've managed to be a really good mom to your own kids despite that.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's over.
((hugs)) you've done really well to get through it all and maintain your composure and dignity. You're a good mum Mysti. I hope now you can get a bit of a break from the stress, a bit of pampering perhaps and a stress free christmas period.
ReplyDeleteMysti I am so sorry. I really wanted this to go differently for you and for you to find some peace, but maybe in your own way you have.
ReplyDeleteJust realize that you are a great mom, your kids love you and sometimes no matter what you cant make people change no matter how much it hurts.