Tuesday, February 14, 2012

One year later....

This was my post from exactly one year ago.  So, where are we now....

Still together.  Have our good days and our bad days.  At this point, issues aren't about the affair anymore....it is just poor communication.  And it extends into all areas of our life.

It is frustrating to all get out.  I am tired of it.  But we are trying.  I am trying to realize that there may be parts that will never change, and I may have to learn to live with it, or.......

So no Happy Valentine's Day for me.  Never again.  I got the kids a few things, and they were happy.  I am trying to pretend for their sake today.

I just want the grand gesture.  The big thing that says....you are special.  I chose you above all others and always will.  I have told him this....time and time again.  Nothing.  It isn't about money....although I am sure if we didn't have this debt, he would figure an expensive bobble would do the trick.  But that isn't it....I need to know that the majority of my adult life hasn't been wasted.

ugh...crappy day.

ETA:  My parents called to tell me that they sent the kids some candy.  Apparently they overnighted it, and spent $33 to ship it.  Now...these are the same parents who couldn't be bothered to call me back on my birthday when I wasn't home.  But I called them to make sure there wasn't something else in the box, that they spent $33 shipping it.  This was what I was told:

You are too old for us to buy you stuff for Valentine's Day.  You can buy yourself something.   And added "Happy Valentine's Day, my love."

The kicker...."my love" is what G-man's "friend" used to call him.

I quit.


  1. Mysti, You are worth it, men are just stupid. If he could take back his stupidity he would. I know he would. Please have a happy day. I am married to a dork also. I love him but his lack of financial support over 33 years has been a real means of distrust and pain. You will get through this. Hugs

  2. Mysti - I empathize with you. I am in the same boat.

  3. Big hugs. I'm sorry today is such a difficult day for you. Marriage can be such a challenge. I hope your day improves, & that you make time to do something for yourself today.

  4. Mysti,
    I remember that post. It was very raw. I remember thinking about it for the entire day.

    Long ago, I asked my husband (who is now my exhusband) numerous times to just show me he cared...to put me first. He never did. So, at age 29 with two small children...I left. I now share my life with a man who adores me...and shows it every.single.day. That's not to say you should do the same, just that I know what you are going through. It's hard. Really hard.

    Sending {{{hugs}}} to you!!

  5. Hugs to you Mysti. I hope your day gets better and that there is a moment of caring just for you .... you so deserve it!

  6. I'm so sorry for all the pain you are going through...You deserve so much better.You are such a strong woman and an inspiration to so many of us!

  7. Aww Misti. I truly feel for you. I'm on marriage #2 and it has been a rough go. Filled with lies and mistrust. Somedays the best that you can do is to keep your head above water and not go under. Then comments like the "my love" is like someone throwing sh!t in the water that you are already up to your neck in. Believe me I've had many days.

    This day will pass and I hope that you find some joy somewhere today. Focus on that and your kids.
    ((((hugs)))). Be kind to yourself.

  8. One day at a time, one step at a time, your family is still together because you won't let it fall apart!!!! Celebrate you today!!!!

  9. Love what Debby said... part of it is men in general-mine didn't even say Happy Valentines Day, tho he did to the daughters and the waitress at the restaurant where I took him to lunch at. They just don't think. Part of it is your pain from the past, and you are allowed that. As for your parents, it never fails to amaze me that they often forget we are still their children. Luckily, we don't have to follow that road, we can change the path. Hang in there.

  10. Mysti

    No matter what know that we love you. You are stronger than I ever think I could be, you have survived so much this year and still kept going even when I would have just given up. There is a difference in forgiving and forgetting...forgiving is the easier part forgetting not so much.

    As for your parents just let it roll away and know that you will NEVER be that way with your children. Why? Because you have to much love in you!!!! Even on the hardest of days you made sure your children had something to show that you loved them.

    I think that you are thinking some hard thoughts right now that only you can work through. But know that I am here to listen if you need..we all are

  11. I agree with everything j said...know that I think you are amazing and that I think of you often...clear out here in Utah:) Happy Valentines Day Mysti!