Monday, February 7, 2011

When The Well Runs Dry

I have no more left to give anyone. 

All of the snow days have taxed my patience level to the hilt.  Bossy has taken an incredible amount of energy to deal with, and I am just worn out.  Sassy has decided to live up to her name, and is being, well....SASSY.  Add in filling in Valentine's, their book reports that are due in 2 weeks, their Standardized tests, Girl Scouts, Occupational Therapy, and all the usual stuff.....*sigh*  It isn't like I get any help with any of that.

Parents who feel over entitled.  On both sides.  My MIL is going to Cancun in May....but she can't fly to CT to see her family.  My parents who called to tell me it snowed in CT....really, is that what the 7 feet wall of white is?????  And who have nothing more to say to me than discussing the weather.

G-man has decided he is "sad" and does nothing to help himself.  Just is whiny and being a baby.  I went above and beyond in the past week to try and help him out of his funk (I spent hours shoveling the ice, running errands, cooked his favorite dinner, didn't ask him for a thing....).  Largely unappreciated.  All I have gotten is....I want more fishing stuff....whine whine whine.  I said, fine....take your holiday money and just go do what you want.  Just Shut Up.  And now he wants to go "home" for a few days....aka, he wants his mommy to baby to him.

The snow has reeked havoc on Bookfair, and I knocked myself out working around that.  I helped out my co-chair with all her personal stuff.  And this morning she gets pissy with Sassy because Sassy didn't understand what she wanted.  So co-chair calls me in a huff.

Work is pulling at me in all directions.  No one tells me when they need things, then then get mad if it isn't done yet....never mind that they didn't tell me they needed it yesterday.  There are self imposed deadlines people have put themselves on, and they just want me to conform to them.  Like boss wants the the data analysis that usually takes me 6+ hrs to less than 2 hrs.  Probably not going to happen.

I have gained about 7 pounds since that money I spent at Weight Watchers has been soooooo well spent, don't you think?  I really need to exercise.  I am at a point where I need it not only for the weight loss, but I need the endorphine rush.  I need something that is just for me.

I hate the dirty floors in my house.  My car is making a squealing noise, that G-man is largely ignoring because he is Sad.  I am tired of cleaning my 8 year old's poopy pants.  I am tired of pleasing everyone.

I have no more left to give.  I am seriously thinking about reworking something in the budget to allow me some time to myself....the gym, a trip to visit friends, SOMETHING.  I am spent.

It is pathetic that the two things I am looking forward to the most right updating debt blog numbers, and watching "Skins" on MTV (this has to be the worst show in the world, but it is my Guilty pleasure!).

What do you all do when you hit the wall?????


  1. When I hit a wall, I hit back, meaning I have to re-adjust something in my life.
    PS - G-Man needs a good kick in the butt!

  2. Oh I'm so sorry. Why do women have to shoulder it all? I usually lock myself in my bathroom and take a long, hot bubble bath. It de-stresses me, and alone time is so needed. Maybe it's time for you to just have some "me" time. It could be as simple as taking a full day and going to a bookstore and sipping coffee and reading anything you please. Or maybe, instead of your MIL going to Cancun, you can! :)! Look out for yourself first, so then you are able to help your family out second. Sending *hugs* your way!!

  3. Wow. You obviously need a break. Is there anything good right now in your life? Maybe find a way to see the positives. I made a list one time, long ago, of all the things that were driving me nuts. Then I carried it around in my wallet so no one would see it and slowly I was able to cross the things off. Because either they got better or stopped annoying me so much.

  4. sometimes, when I am in just a really foul mood, I order takeout, rent a movie, and splurge on dessert. I know this probably won't help with the weight loss, but the diet always starts the next day, right?
    i don't know how much weight I've gained since Christmas, all I know is that I still don't fit into my jeans, and I keep wearing leggings...

  5. I was feeling like that last fall... I called it "overdrawn in my sanity account".

    What I really needed was time off work to focus on my crumbling family life. My kids were behaving horribly and were in need of loving and consistent discipline, I felt so behind with everything at home - laundry, organization, cleaning, cooking, baking, etc..., It was easier to toss the kids a handful of cookies for snack rather than cut up fresh fruit and veggies - all that processed sugar didn't make their behaviours better. At work things were overly busy and stressful and I'd come home feeling completely emotionally spent. My kids needed help with school work and I didn't have an ounce of energy to do that with them. Christmas was coming, shopping needed to be done and I couldn't think of what to buy people. My father is sick and dying, and my mother is stressed and needs my attention and time to stay with my dad so she can get a break AND to vent to me about how stressful it is to watch him in this condition. I was just WAY too stressed to carry on. I decided to take a hit on the budget and I cut my hours at work in half. It was the best thing I ever did. Yes, the budget is tight and we aren't saving much right now, but I've finally, almost got my head back to water level... I was so totally drowning! At least now I get a few hours a week alone to do nothing, and it feels great though I do still feel guilty about "wasting time".

    Can you take a bit of time off work? Can you find a way to block some time away from your kids once a week? Do you have a close friend or family member who can help with some of the kid chores or household chores? Can you pay for help?

  6. Sorry to hear that things feel so bleak. :( It will get better....just try to power through :)

  7. We went through this a few years ago in my family. To tell you the truth I sat my husband down and told him to "man up". This was his life to, and while I was sorry he was "sad" I wasn't able to carry everything myself(now know that my husband was just sad..not depressed or anything).

    I went and spent a day by myself to recharge. When I got home I sat all the kids down and told them that I was not tolerating anything like this anymore. If they wanted to act this way well then there would be consequences. I wouldn't yell scream or argue. They would be grounded to their room, I would take away all phones, all computer time, anything that they enjoyed. And I did it, I stuck to my guns and after the first or second time, their behavior changed. Since they weren't getting the reactions they wanted just the punishment.

    My husband did man up when he realized I meant it.

    Hope it gets better for you

  8. My "guilty pleasures" are just about to start...Big Brother and Bachelor Pad:)