As I look at the credit card bills (ugh, I cannot believe we used them again.....) and what has been purchased, it is just embarrassing.
Some of it was groceries. While not ideal, it is what it is.
The holidays on the other hand....Way too much.
I fell into a psychological trap. Because I do the bills, I monitor all the statements. And G-man went WAY overboard on buying (even after I talked to him about it, he still continued to spend...and still is!!). This led to me over spending on him. First I decided to get just "one more thing." Then I found out that he got something from each child to give to me....so I in turn did the same. There was another $90 just for those things.
And as I have said before, I under budgeted for a few things. And forgot a few things. And fell into "well, if they are buying for us.....we have to buy for them." Add in that we were invited to holiday dinner at a friend's house (this just happened over the weekend), and they have 2 kids, so I have to get a little something for them....and this is so wildly out of proportion it is a little nauseating.
What is making me feel even worse, is the amount that G-man and I have spent on each other. It isn't even our children!!! It was like we tried to make up for everything we haven't done over the year. And it is grossly too much. I am not even going to be able to enjoy it. Seriously. Because I will open the gifts, and just think about the bill, and how much we have spent, and how long it will take to undo the mess.
I have been attempting to throw as much as I can at the bills as we go, just as a bandaid. But that only goes so far.
I am not looking forward to Christmas anymore. I am all teary just thinking about trying to pay the bills. I want this monkey off our back. And a month of spending is causing me more anxiety than it is worth.
I am embarassed and ashamed.