Tuesday, May 13, 2014

A long ramble on credit cards

Reset!  It has been 2 years since we hit the reset button.  I am the first to admit that the credit cards have continued to be an issue.  While the majority of the numbers continue to go down (by the simple design of the loan), the credit cards are completely in our control.  We had the card almost paid off 2 years ago when we did the reset....and we managed to screw it all up again. As I have looked back over the history...it is the "few hundred" dollars that we end up over-spending that has led to the current problem.  Averaged out...that is what it is....a few hundred dollars.  I pay the minimum....and I attempt to pay any charges that we made (more on this in a second)...but sometimes we just don't have it.  We overspend on certain areas, and it outpaces the income.

When I go back through the statements, I can see the two major mis-steps:  Food and Cars.

Food.    A lot of it is poor planning on eating.  We over spend on food because we consistently fail at this.  We also will eat out more than we should….again, poor planning.  I find it very hard during the week to “cook” and while we do bulk cooking and freezing…9/10 times the kids won’t eat it.  Because of Bossy’s weight issues (which have gotten worse….he has fallen off the growth curve and needs to gain 7 lbs just to get to the 5th percentile), we have the tendency to try and eat what HE will eat.  (It isn’t that he doesn’t eat per se….he burns it off SO FAST.  He only has ½ a stomach, so he can physically only eat so much at a time, and add in all the sensory issues and routine issues……blah blah blah……).   I am not making excuses….I am flat out saying I SUCK at this.  I know how to do it….but many times I don’t.

Cars.   Over the past year, we sank way more money into G-man’s Explorer than we should have (as we did with previous cars).  This is a fundamental difference that he and I have with cars.  He would rather nickel and dime a car until it bleeds us dry than admit that getting a vehicle that is in better shape SOONER than later is a better idea.  When I have added up the amount of repairs over time and averaged it out….it was a car payment.  But because it wasn’t an OFFICIAL car payment….somehow in his eyes it was better.  I have never actually added up ALL the repairs...but this stuff pre-dates the blog...like the $2000 transmission we put in his car, and less than a week later the manifold was cracked....and the mechanic said "sucks to be you."  We have poured probably TENS OF THOUSANDS into cars.  And for that reason...our future cars will be new (or very close to new).  I can't do this anymore.

And of course, the minor mis-steps have to do with some irregular expenses that we just have a hard time making on our current budget.  Clothing is one.  Sassy has grown over 6 inches in the past year….so she keeps outgrowing things.   I try and buy things a little “big” but she is so thin….if I buy it too big it hangs off of her.  I keep trying to save up for these things, but the budget is not forgiving.  And just for the record….yes, there are areas that “I” would cut….but G-man isn’t onboard with them.  When you are a couple, and you aren’t on the same page….it is easy to hit a wall.

There are areas of our budget that are out of balance.  Some things we tried to cut TOO far back, and had to concede that it wasn't working.  Our utilities are so high (as I have complained about many times!  Oil, Electric....outrageous). Our taxes are so high.  And because of the pull of those things, plus the MINIMUM debt payment (we aren't talking extra...we are just talking the minimum), it is screwing things up.  And when something gets out of balance....we have used the credit card as a crutch.
  
I know that most of you will just say "don't use the card."  And I really want to be on board with it.  I do.  But as I am discovering in my therapy (trust me....financial stuff comes up alot)....there is a security pattern that I have established, and I am working to break.  Growing up, "my" money was never MY money.  My parents "borrowed" it all the time, or I was expected to lavish on them...so any money I had still went back to them.  I tend to use the credit card when there is something that I can't have taken away.....food is a big one.

I will admit that alot of this is irresponsible.  And that to truly be debt free we need to be able to pay all our bills on the income we have.  In my heart of hearts, I do think that once all this mess is gone, the balance will be restored.  Once we are able to redistribute things, I think it will be easier to move forward.

So for now...we have to deal with our bad decisions.  There has been small improvements that might not come across, but they are there.  The recent "few hundred" dollars were from buying clothes for the kids and G-man.  We bought shirts, shorts, jammies, underwear....the whole package....for 2 kids, and then a few things for G-man (his stuff was falling apart).  In the past, I might have also bought a few things for the house...or maybe just a few more of something....but they all got what they needed.  Additionally....G-man sent back my birthday gift, so that will get credited back to the card. 

I would really like it to be under 8k by year end (we are working on getting G-man's car paid off).  And I know that even 8k makes alot of you uncomfortable...and it makes me uncomfortable too.  But it isn't the almost 40k it once was.  Even adding in the retirement loan (which mostly paid off the credit cards), we are at 27k....still better than 40k.

20 comments:

  1. I have thought about that a ton - why are we in credit card debt? It is an interesting topic. As long as you KNOW what you are doing, and making some changes - what else can you do? Being in the "trenches" with kids makes for some bad decisions. You move on. No excuses, you just move on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These are really hard wired things in my head, and it is taking alot of energy to break the thought process. One thing at a time.

      Delete
    2. At least you are aware of the "problem" areas and are working to make some changes.

      Delete
  2. Great post! I can't believe your daughter has grown 6 inches in a year? I remember my mom telling me I was killing her budget with how fast I was growing too;) Do her feet grow fast to?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, yes....6 inches. Her feet "sprouted" last summer and she went from a size 3.5 to a woman's 7!!! Her shoes will get replaced at the end of the summer; they still fit, but she doesn't have any more growth room.

      And she is all legs....so any pants or shorts are really difficult for her.


      PLUS....her food intake certainly has changed too!

      Delete
  3. One thing that helps us is buying a lot of clothing second-hand. I would say 1/3-1/2 of our purchases are from yard sales, from a Salvation Army-type store, or from Ebay sales. I take pride in getting nice items for everyone in the family - good brands, in good condition (oftentimes never worn, or worn so lightly it's hard to detect) at a fraction of the price of new clothing from the store.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know this sounds like an excuse...but some of this might be regional. I have gone to Once Upon a Child (when they were younger), Goodwill, Salvation Army, Savers....and I RARELY find anything.

      Delete
    2. I have shopped at Good Will a few times. Our store is very clean, well organized, and it makes for a pleasant trip. We even found winter coats for the children there. I found two sets of dress clothes for less than 5 dollars a set.

      Delete
    3. I buy most from Ebay, some from yard sales, and the least amount from Salvation Army or Goodwill type stores. The good stuff seems to have been picked clean from those, so I rarely visit them.

      Delete
    4. I bought from Ebay years ago, and maybe I just don't have an eye for it. I bought a lot of "gently used" clothing, and when it arrived....it was far from gently used. Sweaters were wash worn, the jeans didn't have an adjustable waist (when I specifically asked about it), and I found some stains. I actually bought a dress for Sassy that I LOVED, and it was stained when I got it.


      I decided that it wasn't worth the hassle. Anything that is new with tags is fine, but typically there aren't many deals to be had with those.

      Delete
  4. It is what it is, you are trying that is what counts. It will get better I promise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The other stuff is getting better....this one....not so much.

      Delete
  5. You are very hard on yourself when you talk about your cc debt. Is that to head off the naysayers? Just delete them and try not to let them get to you. It's not productive to beat yourself up over past mistakes - just find some things that you are proud of, and then try and see what you can do to improve the situation moving forward. But you do need to be clear-eyed in your assessment of what is driving your overspending. When I read your post, the first thing I thought about is that you clearly have no room in your budget for the unexpected. Your margins are razor-thin. Are you counting the infrequent but expected costs in your budget, or are you kind of "forgetting" about them because you don't know where the money will come from? Have you considered making big changes that will lower your cost of living? Like moving to a smaller place? Those utilities kill you. Or getting a second job? Don't you have an advanced degree? What if you start looking again at a new job where you can use your degree? Just some ideas. Its really hard to consider areas that you just take for granted. I sold my car and cut the cable to pay off my debt and it worked. I don't have a family to consider, so it was easier for me, but maybe you can do that to some degree.

    One other idea - I regularly take all of my spending line items (not the categories) and copy them from my budget spreadsheet to a new workbook. I then do a sort from highest dollar spend to lowest. Its amazing how much I spend on some things... it can be an eye-opener to see how much is going into any particular item. For instance, I love to give to worthy causes. And with friends and family always fundraising for organizations, its hard to say no. But I realized I was spending over $100/month and that was a lot for my budget. I had to prioritize and bring it down.

    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I am hard on myself...and yes, some of it comes from warding off the naysayers. :)

      As for the unexpected...you are correct that there is no margin for that. There are many things over the years that we have learned to plan for, as they are not truly "unexpected," such the water bill, the quarterly trash bill, etc. We put money aside towards car repairs (which are ALWAYS more than we have in the acct) and we save for upcoming kid expenses ($10 a pay check toward field trips, scouts, etc). But there are things that should be in the budget, but we have simply run out of money to allot for them (clothes!).

      Moving is not an option. Even a smaller place will run us just as much (we only have 1300 square feet now). The utilities in CT are just HIGH. We are still underwater on our mortgage. So this isn't an option.

      Yes, I have an advance degree. I am not currently "using" my degree, nor do I want to use it for its intended purpose. I have stated all of this before. I am looking for another position in a field where I can make more money and can have a career...but I am not willing to just take a job for the sake of....

      My husband has 2 jobs...if I also had 2 jobs...there would be NO ONE there for our kids, and they are just not ready for that. Especially our son. And I am willing to cut things...but G-man isn't. Again, when you aren't on the same page...it is hard.

      Delete
  6. Have you considered lowering your monthly debt payments(if you pay over the minimum of course) so that you actually have money for the items that keep resulting in credit card use? It would be better to take a bit longer to pay things off than to keep adding debt.

    Until we bought newer cars, we never got ahead. Having a car payment is fine with me. Rather know I have that coming then constantly trying to come up with money for repairs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We pay the minmums...there isn't anywhere to go with it. They are all set up such that until SOMETHING gets paid off, there is no wiggle room.

      Delete
  7. Hi Mysti,
    I haven't been reading your blog that long. I dip in and out sometimes when I'm reading Tanner's blog and one of your post titles catches my eye mostly. :) But I often find myself wanting to comment, and then mostly holding back because I haven't ever managed to read all the way through your archivces and always feel like I'm missing too many pieces to comment reasonably.
    Anyway, once again I've been struck by a lot of things that you've said sounding so familiar and so similar to my own situation. Except, I don't have kids (never mind kids with extraordinary medical needs). And I don't have a hubby to try and get on board about how we could possibly be doing things.
    How and ever. Good for you for getting the therapy you need to help you to see through the mess. I didn't start really getting my finances under control until I did that. Mostly because I had to make sure I had to money to pay for it every session. Which led me to actually look properly at my so-called budget for the first time and realise just exactly why I never had money when bills fell due. In case reading about someone else's experiences is a help for you, even just to know you are far from the worst in the world (in case you were in any doubt about that!), I wrote a post about it on a discussion forum when some people there expressed doubt about how being a little careless with overspending could possibly result in a large amount of debt. It's here if you want to read it, posted under my username there Janet (I thought I needed a more respectable username for a finance website than Moonwaves!) : http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?t=166633 (that's an Irish-based website, by the way, so although it's great, it probably won't be a huge amount of use to you).
    It's a long road but the important thing is that you never give up, no matter how many set-backs you have.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, first off....thanks for joining my little corner of the internet. I have 1000+ posts here, so I would never expect someone to read all off that now!!! Maybe I should do a highlights post some day...

      I have been in and out of therapy for various reasons for 25 years. It has been an area that I considered cutting because of the expense...but I think the $20 a session I pay outweighs the disaster I would be if left all the thoughts and issues in my head.

      Thanks for joining and I will come visit you soon!

      Delete
  8. This post came at a time I'm second-guessing and beating myself up mentally as well *sigh* I saw a therapist for a year and a half after my mother's death and my divorce, but at $170/visit 100% out-of-pocket, I had to opt out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am a huge proponent of therapy. Everyone needs an outlet. It is a shame that you weren't able to continue yours due to the cost (it should be covered for everyone!!). I hope you at least got something out of it while you were going.

      Delete