G-man spoke to his mom yesterday. You know...the check in kind of discussion....how is everything, what's new. Blah blah blah.
During this conversation, G-man mentioned our soon to be exciting Adventure in Braces. And Mom offered to help out with the cost! Well, G-man turned her down and said "oh, we got it."
Seriously?
See, I came up with a way to cover the cost of the braces, and it MAY run us less than originally quoted. I am not thrilled with the plan, but it really is the best plan over all. And because of this plan, G-man figured we didn't need any help.
Hello??? If Mom is OFFERING to help, and we know it won't financially hurt her, AND she largely ignores us the rest of the year, and then once in a while sends us some money to make up for her lack of involvement.....then why not let her? She also said "oh, I forgot to send you money for camp and summer clothes." She paid for camp ONCE in 7 years. And we have gotten the occasional check towards school clothes. It isn't a regular thing.
Anyway....we will see if anything shows up. I am not holding my breath. We are also inviting her to come and spend Christmas with us, which I am doubtful she will do....but we are inviting, the rest is up to her.
Meanwhile....did you see that I figured out the braces thing?
I don't talk about this much here....but Bossy has a trust with money it. It is from a settlement we got when he was injured at the hospital due to a nurse's negligence. He required 4 surgeries, a stay in the Pediatric ICU, and he was only 3 yrs old.
This trust has the stipulation that it is for HIS needs. We can't use it for general use (not that we would). But medical expenses certainly fall under the approved uses of the trust. We will speak to the orthodontist about paying the whole thing up front....and maybe getting a discount. We can withdraw the money and have the check made out directly to the orthodontist, so it is all on the up and up.
We have never taken money from his trust. But this is partly what it is there for. To pay for his needs. I feel somewhat guilty that we are doing this, but I also know that paying another $150 a month for several years will derail other things. I would rather take $5k (hoping they knock off about 20%), and just be done.
Now, if Mom wants to send something, and we can withdraw less, all the better. But of course, G-man told her no....so now it is up to her to either do what she wants, or honor what he said. Either way....we got it covered.
And now I can worry about Christmas in 5 months! *smile*
Mysti, I wouldn't feel bad about taking the money from his trust. Its there for things like this. Sorry that Bossy got it from being neglected from a nurse though. How sad that somebody in a field that is supposed to take care of all people would do that.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't hesitate to take money from the trust either.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think that is a totally appropriate use of the trust, it is a medical need for him. In my experience with our three that had braces so far, the cash discount is under 5%. But, that is better than nothing.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others. That is what the trust is for. Can DH call his mom back and say "hey, I was talking with Mysti and if you still want to help with the braces, that would be a great help!".
ReplyDeleteYou go smack that man, better yet let me come smack him for you! Use the trust honey, we all "trust" you.
ReplyDeleteI would also be pissed at my husband for not accepting the money. During the past three years, I have been largely supporting him financially while he works on his career. His mother said that she would help us financially when Eric stopped working full time so he could go into the fire academy. She never gave us a penny and when we went out to dinner, I even had to pay our share. They couldn't even offer to pay knowing their son wasn't even working. I was so freakin pissed.
ReplyDeleteGram shouldn't pay for braces.
ReplyDeleteTake the money and any medical need from the trust. That includes supplies.
Gram offered to help....so why not let her contribute what she feels she wants to? Trust me, Gram is only doing it because she knows how low on the totem pole she has put my kids.
DeleteMysti, I wouldn't think twice about using the trust fund for braces. Actually, I'm curious as to why you haven't chosen to use it for medical supplies before now? ... and, yes, I would be miffed if DH turned down unsolicited financial help - Men!
ReplyDeleteWe feel that his medical needs are our responsibility as his parents. If we didn't have the trust, then we would still have to pay for things. We had always hoped that the money in the trust would go towards expenses when he got much older.
DeleteHis supplies have nothing to do with WHY we have the money. If his injuries caused us to incur more expense, then certainly we would use the trust.
Having a child with special needs myself, I certainly understand the complexities of the expenses. There are always hard decisions to make. I hope that when you really need help paying for anything he requires that you'll consider using the trust, whether it's for an injury-related expense or not. There would be absolutely nothing wrong with that. Be at peace with whatever decision you make - no one who hasn't been there can know the difficult choices we face every day with these kids. You're doing great!
DeleteNo problem using the trust. In fact, I think you should. But being miffed at your husband for refusing help from a parent? Come on! And then you seem to be incensed that your mil hasn't paid for camp? Or sent much money for the kids? May I remind you that the title of this blog is "Digging out from OUR Mess." I would be furious if my husband took help, short of emergency aid, from a parent. It is our marriage, life, kids...nobody else's.
ReplyDeleteNo miffed at MIL at all. More commenting that she said she forgot to send money....well, she only has once, so I don't buy the whole "I forgot" act. We already paid for camp, so whatever.
DeleteAnd I am NOT looking for anyone to pay our way. But, my MIL largely is not part of our lives. If she wants to contribute something, then why not let her?
I would be more upset if he called her and asked for money.
When you let a parent or anyone take an expense for the kids, they somehow get power from doing so. I would not want someone who I have a horrible experience with to have any sense that they have any power. Money and family just are too sensitive and can make worse a good relationship.
ReplyDeleteNow grandparents gift money generically at birthday or a holiday. I would have no issues using gram money and using it for a kids activity. If it was given to the parent instead of directly deposited into their name account. And I would probably make a point to tell grams and the child that the gift money made sure they could do the activity that year.