But I do want to say this..
- I have been in therapy for several years (and off and on for the past 20+ years). This is the first time I have really been working on my family dynamic.
- Several of you stated to grow a backbone and stand up for myself. That is the problem. I always have. That is the major source of conflict. I stand up for myself, and am punished for it. My parents can't "ground" me like they did when I was young, but they take it out in other ways.
- I don't know if you guys can appreciate what it was like as a child being responsible for your parents' and their needs. I had parents who put their needs first, and could care less about me. I grew up being expected to cater to them....take care of them....lavish them with gift. When you are child, you don't know any better. Then you find out that isn't the way the rest of the world operates. And it isn't as simple as just "stopping."
- No, I don't enjoy this. Nor did I enjoy when my mother wore black to my wedding, or when I had my children and my parents didn't visit me first. Or when my babies died and I was told that I was selfish for grieving because didn't I see how this was impacting THEM. Or when I was hit as a child for disagreeing with them. Or when I graduated from HS, College, and Master's degree...and all my parents could say was how it inconvenienced them. Or the zillion other things that I could share.
- We moved "away" 13 years to get away from the daily drama (expecting me to drop everything to cater to them). Now I just get it in big doses vs the daily stuff.
- The reason I keep trying is because of my kids. It makes me sad that they have grandparents and uncles (on both sides) that largely ignore them. Someday my kids will figure out that most people don't have that happen...and when they ask me why it is the way it is....I want to be able to say that it has NOTHING to do with them, and that I tried.
- I am not going to discuss my family anymore. Not because I disagree with what you are saying, but because there is so much more to these stories than I can share (without writing a novel). It is obvious based on some of the questions that I am not explaining things fully, and this isn't about trying to figure out my family.