Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Is Cash King?

We rolled the purchase of the mattress into the retirement loan...yes...we did.  We could have taken the "extra" per month that this loan is freeing up ($200) and saved for the mattress for 6 months. And I would have lived for another 6 months listening to G-man complain about the lack of sleep, the pains in his back and hip, and his overall misery.  Remember....I wasn't the one who wanted the mattress.  A few of you said "sleep on the floor".....that is your choice....but in this house.....we did that for a year when our son needed us to....and it was miserable and screwed up both of our backs.  No thanks.

The difference in the loan was $10 a month.  Over 48 months....that is $480. That isn't interest...that is just the difference between doing the loan for $1000 less.  So for $60 ($10x6 months), I get a happier husband, and hopefully a more productive husband.  Sold.

I have talked about our many ING accounts that we use to save cash for expenses.  Christmas, Camp, whatever we are saving for.....it has worked for us.  We used cash for car repairs, pool repairs.  We used cash to take our kids on a weekend trip.  We used cash for summer camp.  We used cash for a new computer when our died.

YET....each time I use cash for some of these expenses, I STILL have some of you come at me with pitchforks.  The argument for cash goes out the window....I used cash....yet you don't like my choice of how to spend it. 

I can't win.  I save cash for something....I get slaughtered.  I use another payment method....I get slaughtered.  Which is it?  You can't have your cake and eat it too. 

I think it comes down to a few key points:

1)  Some of you disagree with how we spend our money in general
2)  Some of you subscribe to an "all or nothing" philosophy

and this last point will probably spark the controversy of the day....

3)  Some of you are jealous.

Jealous?  Not jealous of the amount of debt we have (because, really....who would be jealous of THAT!).  No...jealous that we are trying to temper getting out of debt with having a life.  And jealous of the retirement loan.  Jealous that we have that as an option.  Alot of people may disagree with the choice we made to take this money from our retirement account....but at least we HAD it there in the first place.

We could drain every last bit of available cash we have and put it toward debt.  But that would cause so much anxiety that I would be sick.  I need that cushion.  I need to know I have it.  Right or wrong....I need it.

We have a plan...the money that is freed up per month will first go towards the dentist, and then toward the student loans.  If an expense comes up and we need to pull that $200 extra and redirect it...we have that option.  Otherwise, it will just continue as part of the snowball.

If we have a windfall....I will tell you right now.....the majority will go to debt.  MAJORITY.  Not ALL.  Maybe some of you will say....you aren't serious about this....ok, that's your opinion.  But I am NOT going to go back to the days where I sat in the dark and read by flashlight so I wouldn't use electricity.

At some point....probably BEFORE we are completely debt free....we will buy some new living room furniture.  We will do some home improvement projects.  And we will have a life.

Cheer me on........don't........your call.  When I CHOOSE to spend money shopping instead of paying a bill...then you have my permission to slap me silly.  But we make our bills (and I guarantee....alot of them are WAY more than what most of you have), we aren't late....our kids are fed and clothed.  But we will have a life. 

I am not letting our debt define our life.

33 comments:

  1. "No...jealous that we are trying to temper getting out of debt with having a life. And jealous of the retirement loan. Jealous that we have that as an option"

    What a ridiculous thing to say.

    1. Everyone has the choice when getting out of debt to try to do it the slow way that may not work in the end (and we SEE it not work for plenty of people-- they just keep getting back into a deeper hole) or the short way. Some additional expenses make sense (medical, some truly once in a lifetime expenses, etc.), but many don't and sound like excuses.

    2. Taking a retirement loan is one of the riskiest ways to pay back debt. You know that the entire bulk of the loan is due immediately if you lose your job, right? That's like double jeopardy. You have less wage income AND you owe money immediately.

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    1. As I said before....we were putting things in place...starting to make progress, and then last year happened. Call it an excuse if you choose.

      As for the loan...Gman works for the federal govt in an essential position. Unless the government collapes or he murders someone...we aren't concerned about his losing his job. In the 20 years he has worked there....no one he worked with or around was fired. Even the guy who slept on the job....and passed out due to using drugs on the job....didn't get fired.

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    2. Lay off....we all make choices with out we spend our money. If you don't like how she's doing it, so be it. Constructive criticism or opinions are one thing, but you're bordering on nasty and smarty-pants-know-it-all. Debt reduction is NOT one size fits all....

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    3. the above comment is meant for nicoleandmaggie, not you mysti. keep up the good work girl! Pennies add up to dollars. Debt reduction is not all or nothing.....

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  2. Mysti I agree with your post 100%. Do what you feel is right for you family.

    You will always have naysayers. My question for them is if they don't like what you are doing or what you are blogging about, why are they reading your blog? Go bother someone else.

    I have to say I admire your honesty about your life. I am in a similar situation where if I am trying to balance having a life with getting out of debt. It is hard, but we only get one life and one chance to do things with and for our kids when they are young. If it is important to you, then that is what matters. Don't let the naysayers get you down!

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    1. As I have said....people don't have to agree with us. But it is easy to tell others what to do when it isn't you life at stake.

      Thanks!

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  3. You cannot put a price tag on a good night of sleep.

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    1. I found this out. Gman has been miserable for about 2.5 years and it has caught up with him.....and me!

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  4. Kudos to you! You're right. You simply cannot let debt define you. Yes, it's a *part* of who you are, but the debt is not you and you are not the debt. You still have to have a life - just do your best not to go further into debt to live it.

    That's the thing with personal finance blogs. It's personal. Your personal journey to getting out of debt. You're making progress on the debt and you have a life at the same time.

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    1. You are right...it is personal. I am certainly not saying our way is the best way...the only way...etc. But we have had a lot thrown at us and we just keep trying!

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  5. I watch Till dbet do us part & Love Gail because even while giving these people hell for the debt they are in and the dumb things they have done with their money Gail still gives them an entertainment jar..why?? Because she knows that when getting out of debt you still need to have a life! If they complete her challenges and with the right attitude she even rewards them with a little gift at the end...a night away, a show, a dinner out, etc because She know the hard road ahead these couples face. Sleeping on the floor or on a bad mattress for the next however many months/years isn't good for you or your health just to be out of debt a month or two earlier. I am just proud of you for not going with a $5000 mattress. You shopped around and found a good deal, You deserve credit for that because something tells me (of course I only know you from your blog and can be completely wrong here) the old Mysti would not have done that! Even when hubby and I had debt we still lived a little. We went on dates, we went to amusement parks with the kids, we went to the shore with my family, etc. Each thing costs a few dollars and while we could have been out of CC debt a little sooner the memories are so worth it. The pics I have hanging in my home all come from the moments. Please don't let the negative comments stop you from being real on your blog. I love it just the way it is!

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  6. Good for you... You did what made you feel most powerful!

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  7. Mysti,
    I agree with everything you said. Getting out of debt is not easy at all. It takes a lot of sacrafice and hard work. You have done great so far, and I do see that you have made a lot of progress. Congrats to you!! Everyone has bumps in the road, and you definitely had your share of them last year. Hang your head high and be proud of the progress you have made!!
    I also agree with your decision to have a life. It is important that you make time for yourself, Gman, and the kids. You need to spend some money on entertainment and enjoy your life!
    Kudos to you!!!

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  8. I'm wondering if it might help to take the debt bars off the side of your blog. I'm sure that because people see the amount of your debt (which really isn't anyone's business), some of them feel entitled to judge your choices.

    And I agree with the person who said if people don't agree with you and don't like how you are handling your situation, they are welcome to go read someone else's blog that fits more with their world view. Nobody has the "right" way or the "wrong" way. You just need to do it "your" way. Debt will always be there - it's almost unavoidable in our society. But life will not. If you don't set aside something for entertainment and fun, then what is the point?

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  9. Mysti, it is your life, you do what is best for you!

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  10. Last I checked this is a PERSONAL finance blog NOT a "How to". I would get a new bed too. I slept for 2 years on a crappy one and all it did was make me miserable.

    I also took my family on a trip to Disneyland 8 years ago. I had a personal loan and a car loan and a mortgage. *gasp* Took me a couple months to pay off the credit card. Best money ever spent! Wise financial, no. Wise for my family, yes.

    Money can always be allocated differently and if there was a single perfect way to do it we would all be rich and have perfect lives.

    We all muddle our way through as best we can.

    (I would love a new bed...king size so that the bed hog doesn't disrupt my sleep so much!)

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  11. I'm right there with you Mysti! High five for trying to live a life while still paying off debt! I know I have been trying to finally go on a honeymoon even though we've been married two years and I have people telling me I'm stupid because I have $20,000 left in student loans. I'm like come on, really?! I'm not EVER supposed to go on vacation because I have student loan debt. kiss my ass!

    sorry, I am just starting to get a little angry thinking about it. You guys are doing great!! You are still plugging away!

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  12. Mysti--

    Good for you! And please keep on doing what's right for your family and keep your blog going! Though I am not someone who comments often, I am a daily reader and am right there with you!
    IMO, it can't be an all or nothing thing when it comes to debt...You will make yourself and your family crazy and miserable! Having a life and a little fun (within reason) is a completely viable way to dig through your debt. Your kids are young and I'm sure you would regret losing all these moments with them (and your husband!) just to focus solely on putting every dollar towards your debt.
    And, to echo someone else, why are these naysayers reading your blog? Maybe it's to make themselves feel better about their own situation.
    And, I hope truly hope you do go to the concert with your husband. Don't lose an opportunity to have fun and take one step closer to mending your relationship.

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  13. Who cares what others think? It's your money, you worked hard to make them, and you can spend them the way you want! Good luck, girl!

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  14. You can't please everyone my dear!!! ;) Worry about your family & do what you feel is best & you've done all you can do! Onwards & upwards!

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  15. Mysti, however you choose to work on your debt is your own journey and your decisions, not someone's else's plan. You deserve a break and a life and no one should judge that. Would you believe that I recently got a message from someone had just found my blog (not one of my followers, so no worries) and decided to send me a very long note about how stupid it is for my husband and I to have a car loan and a roof loan and a mortgage when we could clearly take our savings and pay off the car and the roof and paydown the mortgage. She's got a point but you know what? I used to work in a bank and know the difference between good debt and bad debt and we live comfortably with our payments, so why change my system for someone else's comfort. I personally need x number of $'s in my savings in order to sleep at night. We pinch every penny, shop for the best deal and then when we do things like take our vacation that we've saved for, there's no angst. I'll pay off my car loan when I'm ready to but for now, I'm living! I love your blog, I love how you figure things out and I don't think you need to justify a single thing. Enjoy the concert (yes, you should go), enjoy the better nights' sleep and don't take another moment to worry about others opinions. If your children were starving and naked, that would be a concern but clearly they are well cared for and your purchases and expenses are reasonable.

    Phooey to the naysayers!!

    Hope you can have a great rest of the day knowing that many of us support you and your family's efforts!

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  16. This post is the reason I follow your blog. I spent a long time searching for personal finance blogs that I liked, and I lurked around them for awhile before committing to following because I had to make sure reading them wasn't going to make me feel like a tool for buying shoes for my kids or going to a movie. You do not make me feel like a tool, thank you. :) Thank you for your honest thoughts about getting through life and debt, it has enriched my life. And it continues to do so.
    I hope you sleep awesome on your new mattress!

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  17. The world is full of busybodies, and we open ourselves up to the busy-body-ness when we post details. Let the criticism roll off your back. If people say, "You should not go to the concert," say - "when you are married to my husband, then you can discuss with him whether to go or not, or when you become my husband, you can try to talk me out of it." When they say, "Well, I slept on the floor," say, "Great, and I'd pay double what I did for my bed to avoid sleeping on the floor for one night. Life is short and I'm sleeping on springs and cushioning, not floorboards, but whatever floats your boat."

    If you were a celebrity being filmed selecting your wardrobe in the morning with the general public phoning and tweeting in suggestions, comments, and criticisms, would you stop and put something back, then get something else out, then put that back, every time you make a selection? Would you feel comfortable with running commentary on everything you select? (key concept: no matter what you do, there is SOMEONE out there who will disapprove and let you know it.)

    In short, you need a little more self-confidence. Here's something to consider: You post a lot about your debt and income and expenses but you don't say much, if anything, about your assets. It seems to me that you have some big retirement accounts. That's capital - it's currency - and even if you didn't have it, as others have said, it's your life and your balance sheet! My balance sheets are crazier than anyone else's and I don't give a rat's heinie whether anyone approves. If someone points out something useful, I'll take it, but really, I have to steer my own ship.

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  18. Oh my god, your comment about people being jealous the most asinine thing I have ever heard. Who in the world do you think is jealous of YOU? Because you bought a mattress and took out yet another loan, and a very risky one at that? Or because you think having a life entails more debt? So you had problems in your marriage! You were foolish to publish that in the first place and because you are afraid your husband might leave you, you cater to his whining about a mattress. He should be thankful you're even letting his cheating ass sleep with you. Everyone is despensable, including your husband. Be careful about bragging. Kharma has a way of biting you in the ass.

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    1. Everyone is dispensable? I won't even start on that gem, but Mysti, I've had one of the same on my blog (same person? Maybe - the tone sounds exactly the same.) Unfortunately some people out there are waiting to criticize anything any of us publish. I didn't see any bragging, either, and as I said above, your retirement account is sizeable (I think you alluded to it once) and a force to be reckoned with - and as you stated, it's a resource not everyone has. It's financial power, and as for "risk," - well, everything we do in life involves "risk," "gambling" or whatever judgmental word people like to attach to it, unless you're working like a dog and placing every penny into a savings account in the bank until you die an old miser, and even then, these people would find something to criticize. None of us are perfect - we all make mistakes (well, going from the tone of some of these posts, some people probably think they do a lot better than the rest of us and have reason to preach and lecture.) I think these anonymous people should post pictures of themselves and I bet we'd all be able to have a laugh party. The vitriol is extreme; the animosity is getting to be beyond measure here. Don't let this person or these people stop you, though. Someone (like I said - possibly the same person?) was equally mean to me and it sounded very close to the same. Those people are out there, but the rest of us enjoy reading your blog. Sorry someone came around to "vomit in your living room" as another blog-owner put it. I wish you well with your retirement loan and your debt-paydown progress, by the way. Possibly instead of taking the debt bars down, you could post a fuller picture of your financial situation. Just something to consider. I've posted ours even when it was ugly and I find it liberating to have it all out there for people to examine and criticize or laugh at if they want to. I know I'm doing the best I can and doing an OK job, too, and that's all I need to know.

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    2. Wow! There are some major trolls around! Assine? The only assine people here are the ones who are leaving these scathing, hate-filled messages! Mysti I happen to think you are very brave to put out all the information that you have! I seriously doubt that these critics would come close to doing the same. Life happens - the good, bad, and the ugly! It's up to each of us to choose our own paths, however as I think I had said before, it seems much wiser to temper "gazelle intense" all or nothing type attitudes with real life! Enjoying yourself (within reason and without going into extra debt) may take a little longer to get you out of the financial mistakes but...Can anyone say SCROOGE complex to some of these hateful misers? Geesh! Keep going Mysti! There are a lot of people behind you! =)

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  19. I'm so glad you feel like you're living life. At the end of the day, it's just money. Your kids are only young once, and your marriage is...your marriage. It's important, and so are you.

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  20. 1. I am not a troll. I have never commented on your blog, 444. So please don't flatter yourself. Angie is my real name, so don't accuse me of posting anonymously.
    2. Accusing people of being jealous of her IS asinine. That statement was uncalled for.
    3. When I said people wee dispensable, I was referring to her being overly confident that her husband would never lose his job! Please! Even the President of the United States can be impeached and lose his job. A retirement loan is foolish, and I am certainly not jealous of you because my husband and I both have healthy retirements.
    4. Don't put the concert idea in the bad section of your GBU post if you are so sure you have the right to go.
    5. If you don't want people commenting, then don't put all your personal shit, as you like to call it, on a public forum. Not smart.
    6. I am done reading your blog and all the whining and belly aching you do about your poor life. Suck it up. Everyone has problems. You are not the only person who's ever lost a pregnancy, had a cheating husband, and had an autistic child. You got yourself into debt. No one forced you.

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  21. I'd be putting those bitchy judgemental comments where they belong -in the GARBAGE.

    Mysti, I love reading blogs about real people dealing with real life, please don't change because of the negative people who get off on feeling 'holier than thou' - unfortunately people who don't feel good about themselves often put others down so they can try and feel superior - a bit pathetic really. Trash 'em and keep going, you've got lots of supporters who DON'T define you by your debt.

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  22. Mysti, I'm another one who loves reading your blog because it's real. We all have our good days, bad days, ups and downs, and it is so refreshing to read your blog and not have the sanitized, fake version where you leave out the 'contentious' bits.

    Basic netiquette is 'click away' if something is pushing your buttons, or to at least try the "reality test": would I speak this way in real life to someone I know? We don't all have to agree in comments, but there's a way of doing it politely.

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  23. Wow! Get tied up with extra work hours for a few days and miss reading and the fit hits the shan! I say do what you need to do to have a life that matters! I myself had a financial tsunami this month of "non-necessary" expenses that are a part of making sure that the Princess has a life too! Prom dress that blew the budgeted amount. Passport for an after graduation cruise with her grandparents. Spring Break beach trip. Are any of those necessary expenses? No, but Prom happens once in a lifetime and the memories last forever! Was I going to deny the Princess a chance for a trip that I could never provide her just because I hadn't planned for the passport expense? No way. Spring Break trip... she did some yard work for my mom to cover her spending money, and I paid for the gas and groceries part ($100 was a BARGAIN for a beach getaway!)These are all things that make up the threads of an interesting and full life. I had to reduce my debt repayment this month, and it will take a month longer for me to get out of it. But, in the end for the memories she will make, that's a small price to pay.

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  24. I rarely comment but read your blog regularly and I do agree with you. There's more to life there's also living it! Although I wouldn't agree on going hog wild with credit cards but there's such a thing as balance. There's nothing wrong with enjoying your life even with debt. Living a penurious life seems so....Scrooge like. Pay down your debt but enjoy your life . You wouldn't want to look back and say I'm so glad we never did anything just to save money. Your kids are young, these years will fly. Enjoy!

    And I agree that the nastiness of trolls is outrageous!

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  25. Wow, people are nasty! You keep on keeping on...you need to have a life while paying off this debt. A good mattress means a better nights sleep, a better nights sleep means a healthier you to tackle the debt monster! We have about 30 grand in debt, but we still find room to do stuff because it's important for emotional well being! I am routing for you!

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