The initial anger has subsided (but does flare up!!!), and we have moved into hurt. I am just soooo hurt.
Our next big hurdle is figuring out some sort of living situation. He has been sleeping on his friend's couch, and they (he and his wife, whom G-man works with both of them), said he can stay as long as he wants. But that isn't a solution.
I am not ready for him to come home. But we can't afford for him to PAY to stay somewhere. One night was one thing....but long term won't work.
He must be using cash that he has on him (from what, I am not sure) to eat. There have been no charges (other than the one night at the motel) on our debit card or credit cards. No withdrawals. So I have no idea what he is doing.
Right now he is sorry......and wants to make US work. But I am afraid that if we start to rebuild, anger and resentment on his side will build, and erupt, and THEN he goes hog wild on stuff....making up for years of not having stuff......
I am finally able to sleep, and realizing how TIRED I am. I have tried to eat, and it is making me so sick. I am going to try and stick with tea today, and maybe a protein smoothie for lunch. Solids and I are definitely not getting along.
My good friend is flying here for the weekend. She arrives this evening, and will go home on Tuesday evening. She is my voice of reason so I am hopeful she will help me figure out a few thing. Plus, I haven't seen her in 2 years, so it will be great to just SEE her.
We weren't the perfect couple....but I never thought we would be here.
i am so glad to hear that your bf is coming to help you get through things - be strong & knwo that we are all here to listen to you
ReplyDeleteMysti--Continue to be strong. AND please make sure you are taking care of yourself healthwise. You have 2 beautiful children to take care of! Please try to eat, even if it just the protien smoothie. And I am glad to hear that you BF is coming. I hope you find peace soon!
ReplyDeleteI don't doubt you were exhausted. May this weekend bring you rest, clarity and support.
ReplyDeleteNo one is the perfect couple. And just because life is hard - whether financially or otherwise - doesn't give anyone the free pass to cheat. Decide what is best for you and your kids....you can make things work no matter what you choose.
ReplyDeleteTake care - try to eat and sleep and cover your little ones with hugs and kisses :)
is he sorry, or sorry he got caught? It's would be a dealbreaker for me. The words he is saying don't matter, words are cheap, but his actions matter. And his actions have been completely selfish.
ReplyDeletejust be careful. I'd demand he go to a marriage counsellor with you before you even consider wether you want him back or not.
Sending positive good thoughts your way. I'm so glad you will have someone there to talk it out. Stay tough, but take care of you.
ReplyDeleteA friend is what you need right now, have fun!
ReplyDeleteI with Anon. Words have no meaning in this situation. It is what his actions from this point forward that will count. Is he willing to work with you on this issues that led him into the affair? Is he willing to make the changes needed to make your family work? Is he willing to sacrifice his needs for his family? Are you willing to forgive?
ReplyDeleteI would not let him come home until you have had time to think of what is best for you.
I hope that you enjoy your time with your friend. Just relax and spend some time with her.
ReplyDeletePraying for your strenght.
Judy
Having never been married, I'm in no position to give you advice regarding your relationship with your husband. But I WILL tell you to take all the time you need to come up with a gameplan--now is NOT the time to rush either into a divorce or a reconciliation. I'm so glad you have a friend coming--just having another human being you do trust to use as a sounding board is important. Take Care.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Grace. No fast moves here, and if you can go to counseling, even if he won't, please do! You need a sounding board. If you can't afford a counselor, do you have a minister or pastor who can help? Take time to breathe slowly. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what I would do in a situation like this. All I can say is that I'll send good vibes your way and hope you make the best decision for YOU--whatever that may be.
ReplyDeleteYou won't be selfish if you leave, you won't be weak if you stay. Everyone has their reasons for doing both. I have faith you'll figure out what is right for you.
Wow, I picked a bad time to go awol. Mystikins, I hate this for you. I'm livid on your behalf! Let me drop a little lawyer advice on you from someone who doesn't practice law in your state, but does in NC: don't blog about this. It can/will bite you in the butt if things get worse (I know, hard to imagine right now). Let me know if you need a referral in your area - I can find someone for you. Finally, take really good care of yourself. I'm so glad a friend is coming to take care of you. Your rights as far as money goes vary depending on your state, as others have said, but there is no harm in going into an emergency holding pattern right now - paying minimums, keeping cash on hand. All the love in the world, DP
ReplyDeleteYou are in a crisis situation and it is so thoughtful that your BF is coming to be with you.
ReplyDeleteI am not an expert, but you seem to be going through the stages of grief and talking with a friend will help you.
Also, I agree with Dogfood Provider as I was a paralegal for years.
I'm not saying that you will get a divorce, as many couples do reconcile and go to counseling and are able to move beyond what has happened, but keep in mind that you can go to see an attorney for a consult so you at least will know what would happen if you were to file for divorce - financially speaking. Just because you go for a consult, does not mean you ever have to file. You at least would have questions answered and are more knowledgeable in order to make decisions.
I feel for you. It is something that no one ever expects and I would be broken if it ever happened to me. I will be praying for you and your family.