Thursday, February 17, 2011

So what do I do with the refi money??

I am still waiting on the escrow check ($911), which we had previously decided would replenish our EF.

But I have over $2000 in checks that were SUPPOSED to pay off CC1, student loan 2, dentist.  Or now my car is in the shop (yeah, like I needed that yesterday.....I had to get a rental was a mess).

Part of me says I need to hold onto that life is upside down right now and I need liquid cash.   Part of me says use it to pay off debt that is in MY name (which happens to be the aforementioned stuff).  My friends think I should open a separate account in another bank in my name only and stash it there.

I am so tired.  I don't know what to do.  But I need to do something.


  1. I say either keep it on YOU in cash or open your own account. You are right - your life is upside down right now and who knows what expenses could come your way. Hang in are going to survive this!

  2. Well I know you are going through a lot but where do you see yourself in 6 months? are you going to try to make the marriage work? does he want the marriage to work (some men/women slip up, but that doesn't mean they don't love you) or does he want to be with other woman? also don't forget the kids...

    I think for now just stash that money for emergency purposes, and yes cash is probably better.

    Are you employed?

  3. How are your finances set up? is everything in joint names or do you both have separate accounts?
    I think it's really important to get some advice about your financial rights in this situation.Is there a free finance advisory service in your community?

    It's also important that you open an account in your own name and start saving cash so you have a bit of a buffer.

    with the refinance money, I am guessing it was done in both your names? If so then half of it is yours so I would be wary of putting it all in your own account.

    is your husband likely to clean out the accounts? (dont mean to sound awful but I've seen it happen a lot once the affair is out in the open). If you are sure that the relationship is over then I'd notify banks and financial institutions of the separation date.

    with debt repayment, I'd just pay minimums at the moment until you have some time to recover from the shock of what's happened, you need some time to let the dust settle so you can think clearly and get some legal/financial advice. pay minimums and stash cash in your own name.

    all the best

  4. Keep the cash for now...

    And, as I can testify, even if he says he'll pay the debt, if he doesn't and it's in both of your names, even if its in the divorce papers that it's his responsibility, here in Oregon anyway, I have been garnished 15 years after the divorce.

  5. depending on what state you are in, even if the account is in your name only, he can still have rights to it. I would keep it in cash on me, or even at a trusted friend's house - so he can't go through your stuff and get at it. You have no idea what he might do, and you just might need quick access to some cash. I would keep it as far away from him as possible until things calm down. Just my thoughts and *hopefully* you won't need it! I'm so sorry this is happening to you!

  6. Hold on to the cash. Do not put it in any account. As for the debts, make only the minimum payments until all is settled. This will set you back in your plans, but you are in survival mode right now, and that is what is important.

  7. @Laura - thanks for your advice

    @HS - I don't know what we are going to do. He wants to work it out. I am not sure what I want yet. Six months is too far away right now to make any prediction.

    But yes, I have a job (part time). I have an M.Ed., so I have options.

    @Louise - our accounts are varied. Some are joint (our main checking and savings), some are just mine (credit union). The house is in both our names. Utilities vary. Credit cards vary. I am doubtful he would clean out the accounts, but at this point.....I really can't say what I think he would or wouldn't do.

    @Ruth - thanks for the info

    @Anon - I am keeping the checks on me right now....I am hoping this all calms down and we can figure some of this out.

    @Rhitter - survival mode....I guess you are right.

  8. I agree. Research your state laws to find out how his credit will affect yours and how money would be split, what he's entitled to. If you open an account only in your name, fund it with cash. Don't just deposit the escrow check directly into it. I'm not suggesting that he should never get half. I just think you need to sit in a position of offense & protection for the time being. He may just say he wants to work it out if the woman has dumped him now that the affair is out. So far he's been a liar and hiding things from you, so there's no reason to believe him at this point. That part of it will definitely be a journey. The one thing you seem to be on top of & can control to a degree is the money. I encourage you to keep that straight.

  9. Cash cash cash. If things work out, then great. If they do not, then the cash will come in handy for things that pop up.

    Wish you didnt' have to go throug any of this.

  10. When my ex husband did a very similar thing, I made sure I paid anything that had my name on(minimum payments). Any tax returns or anything that came in I took out of the account and kept in cash. The biggest thing is to make sure you have enough cash on hand to survive should he stop paying the bills.

    I know your head is going in a million directions right now, but you need to talk to a lawyer to find out your rights in your state and to protect your interests


  11. @judy - I pay ALL the bills....he should be more worried that I stop paying the bills!

  12. New to your blog and saw this, I went through the same thing 15 yes ago with 2 little kids and a pile of debt. From my experience, I'd say hang on to the money, make minimum payments on cc just to stay current, and hang onto as much cash as you can. If things work out (it's really too early to tell yet) you can work it out. If they don't, you'll need it for yourself and the kids. I had to do this and was SO glad I did! In my case, he was a doctor, I was a sahm ( worked pt as I have an MSW) , however, he refused to pay any cs for almost a year, had to take him to court, he stalled. Ended up having to sell our home and move to an apt. It was a few years before the dust settled but I was glad to have kept as much cash as I could to help me make ends meet until I got a full time job. Good luck! It DOES get better. I'm happier than ever, kids are young adults, I'm happily remarried and have a wonderful job! Best wishes to you