In the past, G-man has gotten a big fat F on gift giving. Doesn't matter the occasion....and really, he only has my birthday, Mother's Day, and Christmas to contend with (we don't do Anniversary gifts since it is only a month after Christmas). Christmas is usually ok....the others.....leave something to be desired.
In a fit of annoyance, I told him I wasn't going to set a limit on his spending for my Christmas gift. "Just don't go stupid crazy, ok," was my only guideline. Now, I really should have known better. I have been married to this man for almost 13 years....I do understand his thought process and spending ways. But I was mad, and I was being a little selfish, and I wanted a little recognition for all that I do. (Yes, he tells me he loves me, and that his grateful for what I do....but trust me, "heartfelt" isn't the word I would use to describe the conversation).
Additionally....I thought it would be easier to undo any damage he does if it is all contained to one place.....
ok....here we go....*duck and cover* I told him to use his credit card.
*duck and cover* I thought if it all went to one place, I could tally it up, and offset it. Yeah......um....this isn't working so well.
So this is what is happening.....first off, I can see where he is buying stuff. And I am getting a little confused. Like the $26 he spent in Best Buy yesterday. There is only one thing on "the pre-approved list" that could be purchased there, and it isn't $26. So who knows what he is doing.
(A note about the pre-approved list: This has only happened in the past few years. It stems from YEARS of gift giving from family and friends that decide to ignore ideas and go off on their own, and it is never good. I have gotten pajamas I hate. Jewelry I will never wear. Movies I will never watch. And the worst.....ugly Harry Potter resin bookends. So now, we each pick out specific items and those are the EXACT items to be gotten....)
Second, he is using his CC for gas, groceries, fast food. UH, NO!!!! That is not what we agreed to!!!!!
I spoke to him about this and said
1) I love you.
2) Are you keeping track of what you are doing....it isn't about the total at each store...you have to add it all up, my love. When I asked him if he knows what he has spent...he didn't. I am getting $225 before all of the other stuff that was on the no-no list. *sigh*
3) Why are you buying other stuff....which went into a thing about his debit card not working, and blah blah blah. Hello, communication, my love! If your debit card isn't working, you need to tell me!
I fully realize that I am partially to blame. I should have known better than to let him loose on all of this. It really did come from a rotten place where I was feeling sorry for myself and tired of being the one shafted all the time.
Do you know how hurtful it is when your kids at Thanksgiving say "I am thankful for Daddy, because he is fun and I like his music."? When it is Mommy who runs herself ragged. When it is Mommy who keeps everything running. When it is Mommy who deflects everything.
Yes, Daddy works alot of hours. And that is basically where Daddy stops. And Mommy does the cooking, cleaning, finances, medical, and everything else. And everyone sings the praises of Daddy.
I also know if I slap his hand, I am by default punishing myself. If I scold him, he won't do it....and I will continue to lose out, since he can't seem to show me appreciation.
I am going to have to rack up all the damage. I have bought a few things for the house and probably shouldn't have. And I still have a few gifts to buy for some random people. But I need to see where the bleeders are, and cauterize them.
Yeah...I am whiny and I know it. I know I come off horribly selfish sometimes, and that it is all about ME. But please understand.....I am the one who does without most of the time. I am the one who runs EVERYTHING. And I am barely acknowledged. My parents blame me for everything. And once in awhile, I just want what I want. For those 2 minutes....I just want something to be about me, and not about everyone else.