Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Why is it all or nothing?

This is very long and rambling....go to the potty before you start!  I am very long winded....

What am I doing here?  Not in the big, universal sense (but if I ever figure that out, I will let you know!), but here, in this corner of the blogisphere. At my core, I am a realist.  No, I am not Mary Sunshine all the time.  But I am not Debbie Downer all the time either.  I look at a situation, and I find what the REAL impact.  And some of that isn't great....it isn't being negative....it is preparing yourself for something.  It is real that I will need to add about $60 a month for the next 3 months to the oil bill to have a zero balance when the new contract starts.  I am not complaining about it...that is what it is....so I have to deal with that.  I don't have to be happy about it though.  If you can find a positive spin on paying more on a bill....more power to ya.  And in case you are wondering....we went 83 gallons over our contract, but those gallons are actually LESS per gallon than what we were paying because of the locked in contract price.  83 gallons is about 8% over....the first time in years we went over.  Thank you cold winter.  :)

1)  While I STARTED as a debt repayment blog, it really morphed into a personal finance blog.  And by personal, I mean my PERSONAL finances.  I don't tell anyone how to do things, what finance products to use, or that I am doing it "right or wrong".  I share what happens with our money, how it has impacted the bottom line, and frustrations and successes in regards to these things.   You know what?  When your car breaks down and you lose time at work, and you spend thousands of dollars....it really does have an impact on the bottom line.  When you live in a state that is in the top 3 in the country for taxes, it does not allow as much money to go to other things.

I don't have any interest in reporting the individual amounts that I spend day to day.  That is fine for some people; it just isn't want I want to do.  I am not hiding anything. I went to Walmart yesterday and spent $262 on groceries (probably 10 days worth, excluding milk), a month worth of household supplies (personal care, cat, etc).  And a birthday gift.  I would have to add it up to figure out the grocery vs household cost...I just have no interest in reporting those numbers.

I also paid miscellaneous bills this week....cable, cell, medical.  Do you want to know that the pathology bill for the removal of a polyp was $12.72? Well, it was.

We also made another payment to the retirement loan (via G-man's autodebit from his paycheck) and made a credit card payment.  Next week is my car payment, and the week after is student loan, and the week after is G-man's car.  It is all there.  I just don't find it terrible interesting when it is a standard payment.  Nor do I think you would find it interesting to read that either.

2)  I have stated over and over that until after the move, focused effort on debt repayment is not the priority.  We make payments on all of the items.  With the exception of the CC, all of the individual debts are one way streets....they will never go up by the nature of the loan.  So 80% of the debt will go down by some amount every single month.  The CC is the 20% that is in our control.  And yes....when my car broke down in Jan/February...to the tune of $1800....I chose to put it on a CC instead of liquidating over half my EF.  Five months later, that is almost paid off and we are closing in on the the pre-car break down total. 

Additionally, way back in the blog, I said that we would get to a point where the debt was more or less on autopilot and the only thing left to do is pay it back.  Well, that is kind of where we are.  I have moved things around; I have gotten interest rates down; I have looked at all the numbers. 

We took a calculated risk when G-man moved.  And like the stock market, you have to ride out the lows to get to the highs.  This wasn't a knee jerk reaction.  We are now paying all the same bills on less money.  That leaves less for debt repayment.  It has shown a little where some of the leaks are in the budget, and we have plugged those leaks. 

3)  We knew that the house could be an issue.  And it is, although we still are unclear WHAT the issue is.  Yes, we have a realtor problem.....but the contract is signed through mid-September with that company.  We are exploring switching agents within the company until the contract is up.

I know some of you really think I live in this falling down, broken house....but I don't.  I live in a 100 year old house.  If that is your style, then great.  If it isn't, I don't know why you are wasting your time looking, and mine.  If people didn't want a pool....then why didn't they leave that as part of the feedback all along?  Then at least we would know what the problem is.  Houses in the neighborhood have sold for +/- $5k from our asking price....so it isn't the price either.

And now the pool IS an issue.  An issue that is in the process of being addressed.  It doesn't have to jive with YOUR timeline, just ours.  It is covered for the moment, and we are working on the costs of taking everything apart and putting it back together.  But G-man is working 2 jobs and dealing with my parents (oh, it is so much worse than my brother and I thought....).  I am working and taking care of the kids, while dealing with the house (both the standard stuff that G-man used to do, along with the selling of the house).  It is in process.  If a buyer comes along and loves the house (as we did) but doesn't love the pool (just like us), we are willing to credit money back to them to fix the problem.  And then they get to do what THEY want to do...not buy something we already did.  But in the meantime, we will do something, and hope that it appeals to the general masses.

I am not going to win no matter what I say on this subject.  I am not taking the pool down fast enough.  If I took it down tomorrow and it took me 2 months to fix the back yard, I would get scolded for leaving the yard a mess while it is on the market.

4)  This is not a frugal blog.  I am not a couponer (I did try for awhile, and I got overwhelmed.  But mad props to those of you who are!!).  I am not going to reuse sandwich baggies or eat out of a dumpster or make water from my urine.  I also do not buy expensive clothes for myself or my family.  Or take vacations (in fact, the fact that my kids are almost 13 and have never been on a vacation outside of a night away makes me sad.  That is an experience I would like to give them.)  I do not make over my house all the time (which some of you seem to think I do).  I still have the coffee table we bought in 2000, and the alarm clock from 1986 (but the volume button is starting to give out....*sniff*)  I did buy a new set of sheets for my bed when my other set ripped.  No, I didn't patch it....I kept the pillowcases and I tossed the sheet.  If we weren't moving, I probably would have found a use for the fabric, but that is my craft-y side...not frugal side.

5)  Not everything is going to be relatable to everyone.  I posted last week about my contacts, to mixed review.  Some thought it was boring....ok, that post wasn't for you.  Some said they totally can relate....ok, great.  And sometimes I am going to post about nothing.  If you aren't interested, don't read it.  I hope to see you another day! 

My biggest goal of the blog started off showing debt repayment.  But life happened.  So instead, I showed the world what happens when life happens.  Yep, the overall number has gone up and down and up and down. It is all interconnected.  It isn't a straight shot.  It is messy, and flawed at times.  And it is successful and organized.  And it is my life.

The majority of people that have read and commented over time have said that they read this because it makes them feel more normal.  That they aren't the only ones who struggle with certain things.  That they aren't the only ones who have stuff happen to them and it derails them for a time.  But I have continued to show the world the aftermath in all of its ugliness.  Cars break.  Houses need repairs.  People get sick.  The world keeps turning.

You wanna know what we spent 10k on with the credit card?  I looked back on it.....alot of it is coded as services.....the majority of that is car stuff.  Merchandise....yes, along the way, 4 people need shoes, underwear, pants.....particularly 2 growing kids.  And has there been a few non-essential purchases....why yes there have been. And food....food has been a weak area for us from the beginning.  Some of it is eating out because we planned poorly....or just didn't feel like cooking.  Could some of it have been avoided....yep.  Did some of it blind side us....yep. 

So read into this what you want. Say what you want.  Just because you say something doesn't mean its true (and yes, that goes for me as well).  I appreciate all the readers...even the ones who think I am a trainwreck.  It makes it that much sweeter when I celebrate the successes. 

26 comments:

  1. The nut job going by Cham these days (or stuckintheloans on your blog comments) is a sad woman who is 30, never been kissed, has $45K+ in SL debt, has filed bankruptcy a couple years ago from spending too much money on "stuff", works at Walmart (a couple days a week since she can't handle more than that), and has a grandma who pays for her apartment and other stuff. She blames everyone but herself for her life woes and is nothing but jealous of you regardless if she says she's not. You have a house (which she is always saying she wants), you have a husband (which she is saying she always wants someone to love her), you have friends (which is something she doesn't have either). I have read her train wreck blogs for years and it's actually quite fascinating because she is truly a quack.
    I love that you keep it real on your blog and while I don't always agree with some of your choices, they are yours to make. I was in a place similar to yours years ago. Life happens, you deal with it, and move on. Good luck and don't let her get to you. She is and will always be a troll.

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    1. Thanks. In all honesty, there are decisions that have been made that "I" don't agree with, but being married sometimes means making concessions.

      She can keep her hateful spew on her side of the blogisphere. I actually found a long-ish entry of hers where she is condemning people for doing what she is doing...being hateful, making fun of things, making assumptions. But it is always easier to be the one dishing than the one taking. I am honored to be her muse...she has a re-newed passion for writing, and now I have 2 blogs all about me. lol

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    2. I must have completely missed this person's comments. I didn't know there was someone being hateful on your blog. I'm sorry that happened to you.

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  2. I love reading your blog-I was so sad when you stopped writing a while back-glad you are back to posting!
    Unfortunately with blogging, you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't. There is always that person that knows better. Just keep doing what you are doing. Only you know what is right for your family. Delete the nasty comments and move on!

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    1. Thanks for reading! You are absolutely right...damned either way. I could rescue a litter of puppies from a burning building and win the lottery and give it all to charity and I will still be wrong. :)

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  3. I love your blog! You are real. A real person with a real life. Real victories and real problems. Like mhart1993 above, I was sad when you took a hiatus and left us for a while. But you know what? That's your choice and what you needed.

    I don't have a problem with reading things about your work (who doesn't have those types of issues?). I rather enjoy knowing I'm not the only one who seems to get more work and more responsibilities with the same amount of time. I enjoy reading the posts that are about your kids. I have two (they're 20 and 22 now) and I also have twin nieces. They're 31, but even though they are technically identical, they don't look alike and certainly don't act the same.

    You're sharing your life with us. I appreciate that. It's easy for a reader to see something and pass judgment on it. It's apparently really, really easy for some folks to sit at a keyboard and spew venom into the lives of the folks they are reading about. I get the whole argument that if you're willing to put it out there, then you should be willing to take criticism. And I guess I agree to a certain extent. But that doesn't give me the right to be hateful. Many of the folks who comment are honestly trying to help you. Some don't know how to do so without sounding like a tool. And then there are those who seem to make it their job to be hateful. Don't pay any attention to those folks.

    Keep it real. I'll end this comment the same way I started it. I love your blog.

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  4. My blog isn't a frugal blog; it's not an anything blog; I'm going to record and report spending just for a month, just as an exercise for ourselves. I have so much debt the entire blogosphere will laugh me off the planet. I'll be posting it sort of soon... but I don't always post all details and I don't think I have to. Blogging should be for you - and if people want to read it, fine. If you get a lot of critics - well, I'll be getting them soon enough. Something I've noticed is: I do well, and it's crickets. I make lots of money - no one has a word to say about it. I post our debt and challenges, and I'm going to hear a lot of "What kind of idiot are you? What the hell?" etc. It's just the nature of posting a blog for the general public to read. I say you should continue blogging, and I say I should, too!

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  5. Try not to let those little trolls annoy you, I love hearing about your life, not just all financial, but everything because it seems like you could be my neighbor! You aren't my neighbor, LOL, but you get the drift. You do make me sound normal, as I go through a lot of the same issues and I'm beginning to think that people that don't go through them are the weird ones....

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  6. Your blog is YOURS. Write whatever you please. If someone doesn't enjoy it, they are free to go read something else.

    I know my blog is about as interesting as watching paint dry, but I don't care. It's for ME. If people want to read it, great. If they don't, great.

    I stumbled across one of Cham/Stuck/C the Writer's blogs years ago. She is an individual with a good many issues. I think it is one of the saddest things I have ever seen. Don't allow her criticisms to sting. If she does not enjoy reading your blog, there is a simple solution available to her.

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  7. I enjoy your blog so much, it is so down to earth. We've all lived your life in one way or another.

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  8. I love reading your blog because you are a real person writing about real things. If I wanted fairy stories, I'd get one out of the library. I was bullied out of blogging for over a year by my troll, who is so perfect on her frugal living blog that I'm sure she heats her house from her farts and sells her pee as table wine. I'm like you; sometimes I fall down and sometimes it doesn't hurt.
    Keep blogging and keep it real. Xxx

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    1. Pee wine....does that go with poultry or red wine?

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  9. Mysti, I am sorry that you are dealing with yet another troll! I am going to echo what others have said - when you took your hiatus, I really missed your blog! My first thought was Judy's gone and now Mysti too? I LOVE that you are real! Life does happen! And, I feel your pain as I live in Connecticut too! Please don't stop blogging! There are a LOT of us out there who love and need more real bloggers like YOU!

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    1. Hi neighbor!

      I miss Judy too. Judy....I hope you are well!

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  10. Her blogs are the most entertaining because I don't usually come into contact with nut jobs in real life. I mean come on, she had to file bankruptcy for credit card debt which was racked up by buying clothes, computers, food and other crap she didn't need and yet she's criticizing you. She's almost as good as a soap opera except for her she is a one track pony, never coming up with new material.

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  11. I enjoy reading your blog because it IS personal, its the everyday stuff I can relate to even though my kids are now older. I find it interesting to read blogs and see how other people do things, hear other viewpoints. I think it is your blog and so you write about whatever you want to, those that don't like the content can move along.

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  12. Blogging is putting your crap out there so we do get criticized. But my life is my life and yours is yours. I love you dearly and to Hell with the meanies.

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  13. just keep doing the things that you are doing Mysti.......don't take a blind bit of notice of the crazy ones out there.

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  14. Um...did I miss something?
    In other news, I read on MSNBC(?) that CT was one of the top 6 most expensive places to retire. The others, NJ, RI, VT, New York, and CA. No surprise there for this ex- New Englander. I ,for one, hope your move happens sooner rather than later, as having made a similar move, I know how much easier it is on the pocketbook for live in the south vs NE. I think if people toss out ideas, it's well intentioned.
    BTW, I think switching agents within the agency is a great idea. She shouldn't take it personally. Nobody gets paid until the house sells anyway! (Here it's 50 percent to the agency, 25 to listing agent, and 25 percent to the selling agent....behooves thei list agent to also be selling agent! )Is she not letting other agents show it so she gets both listing and selling fee? Regardless, YOU are paying the fee! So I don't think it's out of line for you to ask the principal in your agency to assign another agent if you think she's not giving it her all.

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    1. Oh we have had lots of showing from other agents. He has never once actually shown the house!

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  15. Keep on posting what you feel led to post. Don't let the naysayers get you down.

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  16. Girl, I check your blog daily. I love reading about your happenings! It's good stuff!

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  17. Some of those comments on your posts were insane. I'm curious to find her blog just to see if this is some whacky movie, or real life. I hate that you have to spend energy justifying yourself. We all need to review the golden rule and if we don't have something nice and supportive to say, keep it to yourself. Or, if you have an idea of a different way to do something, say it in a respectful way! I'm not a couponer by any means, but if you do go to Walmart, use their Savings Catcher app. Easy peasy to do and it's actually fun. I've saved $76.30 since October and I probably only go there once or twice a month. Won't send me to Europe, but I did absolutely nothing for it other than scan the barcode from the receipt.

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    1. I use the savings catcher but I don't shop at walmart enough to really build up my refund. I have less than $10 right now.

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  18. You know what I think? "Never explain yourself to anyone. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you."

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  19. I've been reading your blog for forever, and I reallly think it's Exhibit A in the destruction of the middle class through no safety net and continued investment in infrastructure in this country. And you are right that cars are a major problem and expense for your family, and think what you've gone through with them! I mean, you don't have a helpful extended family, you don't live in a place with public transit you can use, and get every time you get criticized it's like the person criticizing assumes that you are just lazy or stupid and don't know there's a mythical bus system that takes you everywhere you need to go and you are too lazy to use it. And there are these fantasy people willing to help you out. And then they quote fucking Dave Ramsey, the snuggest, most out of touch shyster there is. Aaaaaarrrrggggghhhhh.

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