Monday, March 17, 2014

More lunch woes

I may not like the on-line payment system that the school offers to pay for lunch....but I do like seeing what the kids are buying. I mentioned before that Sassy was buying too many snacks....and we spoke to her about it.  For the most part, I thought it was resolved.

When I logged in today, I noticed that the snack buying was WAY up.  And not only that...she has progressed to buying bottled juices (at $2.50 a pop!).  What, are cookies a gateway drug to the harder stuff??

I spoke ....not flipped out as I was accused of in a non published comment... to her about it....and *sigh*.  Sassy's "friend" has been asking her to buy snacks for this girl.  Um no.  If this girl wants snacks....she can buy her own.  And this bottled juice "habit" is over.  I told her she may buy milk when she brings her lunch.  (For some reason this year she hasn't wanted to bring a drink from home or buy milk).

Last week....she spent almost $11 on snacks.  That is OVER.

Sassy is upset that she got caught.  She knows that crossed the line and abused the privilege.  And she now knows that if we have to talk about this again....snack privileges are being removed from her account.

This month has been a heavy "buying" month for both kids, and we didn't really worry about it too much since February was a "light" month.  It sort of balanced out.  But we can't have $11 a week in snacks!!

I know I am at the beginning of the teen years, but between the attitude, the non-truth telling....it is going to be a long stretch.

22 comments:

  1. Mysti,
    I had to talk to my kids also. I send in lunch money every two weeks. I'm starting to rethink this, and make them pack a lunch. It's costing me a huge amount of money that I could use in the budget for something else. Is there a reason this child needs your kid to buy her drinks? Is it possible that she/he needs to fill out an application for a reduced lunch? Can you speak to the school and see if there's financial difficulties involved? Your daughter must have a big heart to help another kid out.

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  2. Sassy probably takes her lunch 3 or 4 days a week. Bossy is probably the opposite and buys lunch 3 or 4 days (he is so picky with lunch, and we would rather him EAT than just bring it home).

    I know what child she is referring to, and it is not a matter of needing reduced lunch. She is not a nice girl, per se. The teachers have already talked to us about some of Sassy's friends, and that they are the type who keep girls like Sassy around for what they can get from them. Sassy doesn't see them outside of school, so we can't really do much. But I am pretty sure that the friend just says to Sassy...I don't have money, will you buy me a snack?....and Sassy who is very big-hearted just says sure.

    G-man and I have realized what a lousy job we have done in teaching her about money....and are working to change that.

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    1. I can understand. My kids are just figuring out about money and they are in their teens. It's hard to be a kid. Everyone wants a friend, and wants to fit in somewhere. In another thought, since this young lady seems to "get things" from Sassy, maybe Sassy can learn how to say, "I'm sorry, I can't do that". It takes time. Maybe the school can send out an announcement to parents to help bring awareness to the problem. Maybe it's happening to other children as well.

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  3. Our kids can't buy snacks until High School. How do I know this? My neighbor's son spent 3 months worth of lunch money in the first month of high school. Neighbor was shocked and put an end to that as soon as she realized what was going on ... but I think it catches a lot of people by surprise b/c we don't think about snacks, or assume our kids would naturally be reasonable in their consumption. I'm sure having that conversation with my kids wouldn't have even crossed my mind if I hadn't heard it from the neighbor, KWIM?

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    1. I realized the snack consumption was high a few months ago and spoke to her. I wasn't angry but she needed to realize that moderation is the key...and an 11 year old isn't quite there in regulating that on her own. So I said 2-3 snacks a week was ok. A cookie was 50 cents...chips were $1.

      Where it bit me in the tush was when she started buying a drink, and chips. She looked at the whole purchase as a snack...but she was spending $4 on that. My fault for not being more clear. And now that she is buying snacks for others...it is getting out of hand.

      We are realizing that money isn't real to her....nor is it to many kids. They don't see their parents actually USE currency. It is all on a plastic card, whether it is debit or credit. They don't see the exchange of money. I am sure she just gives her pin number to the cashier and doesn't give a second thought to how much it is, or how much is in her account.

      So...all of this is about to change for her....

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  4. Good job for realizing how she views money(or doesn't). You have to start them early on financial literacy.
    There are a plethora of money books out there for kids and teens now....wish they were around when my oldest was younger. Most seem to be Christian based but the basic principles are the same for all of them. Larry Burkett has a series called "Money Matters" for both kids and teens(and you can buy workbooks to go with them too). Sassy is sort of at the age of being too cool for the kids book but the teen one might be over her age/needs in some ways but would apply to her eventually.
    I know it's so hard to be on the same page with your kids sometimes because their minds don't work like our adult ones(especially once they hit the hormone years!lol). Add in predatory peers and that pressure at school and man!, it adds a whole other level of complexity to parenting your kids.
    Good luck and do seek out a good money learning book for them.

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    1. Thanks for the info...I will check it out. We have a few ideas of our own (which may be included in the books) as well.

      Parenting is certainly taking a shift in direction these days. ;)

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  5. My kids have $ in their accounts for emergencies. (Read, I don't feel like packing lunches.) If they spend it before the end of the year, it is not replaced. No exceptions (Keeps me accountable for packing the lunches too!) We have juices, water, fruit, chips and home baked goods they can bring. My kids are entitled to eat, sure, but not buy snacks. Sounds mean, but "Everybody else does" is met with "Everybody but you!" I used that on myself in our early days of frugality too...everybody else has a Coach bag? Well, everybody but me, I guess!

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    1. The comments are moderated...so they don't show up until I hit "publish". don't worry if they aren't there right away. :)

      We have plenty of choices for the kids to pack for lunch, but we have always allowed them to do a combo of packing and buying. It really hasn't been an issue until this year. The snacks are getting costly...and the price of school lunch went up. We will probably have to look at it all more closely and set a limit on buying. Of course, it is hard to make 2 sets of rules....we don't want to make Bossy take lunch and then he won't eat it and it gets pitched because it has been out all day. But we can't tell him he can buy all week and tell her she can't.

      I am so over the feeding stuff with him......

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  6. Great something else to worry about when the kids start school LOL

    HS

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    1. You got some time....we are just now dealing with this in 6th grade. :)

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  7. When we first started at the school I didn't realize they could buy snacks (ice cream, chips...). I finally realized and have restricted their accounts to Friday only and how much they can spend $2. You might see if you can do that to Sassy's account.

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    1. Ours is not that sophisticated. You can set it for Meal only, or Meal and Snack. Can't designate days or amounts. That would have to be a conversation between parent and child.

      After today's talk, I told her if we have to talk about this again....I will just remove her snacks. It doesn't solve the bigger picture of teaching her about money...but it stops her from spending "our" money on snacks. Like I said...we have some work to do.

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    2. That's not a bad idea to use the Meal only option. It would get the pressure off her about buying snacks for a friend.

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    3. I don't want to take the snack option away unless I have to. Sassy should be allowed to have a snack....within reason. Part of the growing pains is learning how to say no to your friends. Not easy!

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  8. Very strange. Maybe make a deal with her to use chore money to buy snacks in bulk and pack them with her books? We didn't have snacks or lunch back home (you had to provide everything), though you could buy sodas. It was very much a treat. I guess that like others have said, this can be a very useful financial lesson for her. It's not so much about punishing and restricting, but about learning to stretch it out. If it's a meal/snack, tell her she has X amount for the whole month, and she can use it as she sees it fit... if she uses it on snacks, so be it, but there wont be any lunch!

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    1. As of right now (and will probably change very soon), she does not receive "chore" money. There are chores she does, but those are expected as part of being a family.

      She really never has wanted to spend any money...even money she has gotten as a birthday gift....she puts it all in her piggy bank. So, she doesn't know HOW to spend it. She doesn't want anything. And it isn't because she is lavished with stuff....she actually doesn't want anything.

      Like I said....we have been remiss in actually teaching her about money since she has never shown an interest or need for us to show her.....until now.

      She certainly can pack a snack from home....we always have stuff for her to bring (fruit, granola bars, applesauce, crackers....) It isn't really about that. She likes to buy it because it gives her some independence....she just needs to learn the moderation part.

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    2. Ok I don't know if my other comment got eaten or what but...
      I have an idea!!!

      Set a weekly budget for snack money with her. You've already explained to her what constitutes as an actual snack item. So tell her you will allow her to spend $X on snacks BUT if she goes over, she must reimburse you. That means if she wants to buy snacks for her friend it comes from HER money. It's a great teaching opportunity!

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    3. The comments are moderated now...so no, your comment wasn't eaten.

      That is basically where we ended up. She gets $3.50 a week....If she goes over, she owes us. If she does it on a regular basis, then we will discuss removing snacks and she will have to pay for it all herself.

      Good to hear from you!

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  9. I love all the "online-ness" of school - the lunch account & purchases, the grades, all the things I'm glad WEREN'T around when I was in school LOL. Hang in there, you're a great mom!

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  10. All this online stuff is so neat! When I was in HS (not that long ago, 9 years) there was no monitoring online.

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    1. Our district does not have on-line monitoring of grades....but some other local ones do. My boss, for example, can basically log into his son's grades for every class...from HW to tests. There ain't no where to hide!

      The problem with the online monitoring is that you can know TOO much, and kids do needs some privacy. It is about moderation.

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