Perfectionism

I appreciate everyone's support as I am working through my "down in the dumps" state right now.  HS over at Our Debt Blog (and his family!) were so so very generous and gifted me a $100 Gift Card to JCPenney, which I plan on using tomorrow evening after work.  So, thank you HS Family!!!!

A few of you mentioned "have we made a list of priorities."  Oh yes.  We have a rather large list, room by room, of the things we would like to do (cosmetic), need repairing, or will need replacing in the future.  It is overwhelming. 

A word to the wise....don't let it all pile up.....it then takes on a life of its own!

The priority shift many times is a result of my personal anxiety, and what is triggering it at the moment.  There are days that I feel like we need to paint because I see the chipped off paint on the moulding and then I obsess over it.  Other days, the holes in the slipcover trigger me, and I obsess on the furniture.  There are days that I stress about the "home office" area, and days it doesn't bother me.  It really just depends on the day and my mood.

Now, some of you are going to argue with me on this next point, but seriously, this is how my brain works:  If there is a project.....it is all or nothing.

This is how perfectionism works.  "Good Enough" doesn't exist.  If you start something, you have to do it ALL.  And it has to be the way it has to be.  And if you are unable to do that.....you tend to not do it all.  If you aren't a true perfectionist....this will make no sense.  If you are....you get it.  And in my case, I am not saying that I can't do any project.....I am saying that if I start a project, I will have to do it all.....I can't just do a little to lift my spirits.  The part that isn't done will drive me insane, and will cause me to want to finish, and financially that isn't possible.  (And just so you know, the line of "finished" is completely arbitrary.  Your definition will probably be very different from mine.)

So right now I am in a "paralyzed" state.  We can't do what we want, but we need to do something.  So it is figuring out what we can do, give time and budget constraints...that won't set off other "issues." 

As it is a 3-paycheck month for G-man....we have a little play.  But this has to be balanced with the "needs," such as the kids clothes (um, Sassy tried on all her spring and summer stuff.....yeah....she has a few pairs of play shorts and 2 t-shirts, and that is all that fit!). 

This is why I said the other day that some of the decisions we make might not be popular.  We may choose to spend some money.  We may choose to just "save" it, and not even use it toward debt.  I don't know yet. 

I wish this was easier.  Some of you will think it is easy....just pick something and do it!  But really, in my little warped brain, I will play out every scenario that could possibly happen (and I have done this about many things, since I was a kid), and I have to let them play out in there until one wins.  Yeah, I really am like this.

Stay tuned!