Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Good thing I am super busy today

Today is my wedding anniversary.  Please....no Happy Anniversary.  We (more ME) decided not to acknowledge it.  We aren't at that point emotionally.  Wounds of the past year run deep.  Add in that this is a super emotionally loaded day for me, and I will be honest with ya.....what I really want to do is go buy stuff to make me happy....even though I know that 5 minutes later I will not be happy anymore.

All rolled into the emotion of today.....

  • Wedding Anniversary - 14 years today
  • It was the due date for my twin girls who died (they were due on our 10th wedding anniversary)
  • My "surprise" baby, that I miscarried was conceived (sorry...TMI) on the aforementioned 10th wedding anniversary.
All of this is weighing heavily on me.  I started getting upset last night, and was so off my game.....I just went to bed.  It is strange this morning....G-man and I have talked all morning, blah blah blah.  Part of me wonders if he forgot since we already decided that we aren't acknowledging it....out of sight, out of mind?

My day consists of 2 doctor appointments, work, shopping for PTA, and bookfair planning meeting tonight.  It is full to the brim with responsibility and no time to think about "stuff."  If I didn't have all of that....I would probably perseverate on everything....do on-line window shopping and eventually convince myself that for everything I have been through....I deserve something!!!

But don't worry.....I won't.  Promise.  Knowing that I am making progress on our debt (we are down $1,200 since the first of the year, not including the $500+ we have paid on the retirement loan this month) is enough to keep me from back-sliding. 

11 comments:

  1. The past is the past. Believe me I understand the whole not wanting to acknowledge it thing. My ex took another girl to Fl on ours. While we were still working things out and lied about it.

    Hopefully you will have a good day. :)

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    1. My heart goes out to you. I recently miscarried this past December and that baby was supposed to be due on our upcoming anniversary in June. I am not looking forward to it at all, and can only imagine what you are going through today.
      I hope your busy day makes you feel very accomplished and successful.

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  2. Just know you are in my thoughts today

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  3. Oh Mysti, I am so sorry you are grieving on so many levels. Know that we love you and it is okay. I used to go into Franka's small box every yer on her birthday and read every card, look at every picture and just cry. I don't do that any more, but I did this for at lest 18 years, it will get better.

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  4. HUGS... HUGS.. and lots of HUGS!

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  5. Feeling it with you my friend - we have so many things in common, it is freaky!

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  6. Oh honey, sending some hugs your way!

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  7. 14 YEARS! I'm coming up on 8! geez time does fly..

    HS

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  8. 1200 bucks since the first of the year??!! Wow! It is still January! I think this is going to be a good year for you:)

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  9. Was looking for am email link but didn't see one so I really don't wanna "put out there" what I was going to post...not mean at all...just super personal! Anyway, your post broke my heart. Without going into detail on here, I have been there, done that! Are you 2 still going to couples counseling? If not, PLEASE spend the $$ and do it. We spent a small fortune and I am SO SO SO glad we did!!!!

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  10. @Joy- my email is mysti1031 AT yahoo.com. It is under "About us."

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