Today is particularly hard. I posted both of our cribs on Craigslist, and a guy responded that he was having twin boys and wanted both. G-man brought them down from the attic, and they are sitting here, staring at me.
Per our phonecall on Tuesday, he would call me this weekend (probably Saturday), to arrange a time to come by. Didn't call.....tried calling him on the number I had....it's his work number, so I got voicemail.
Today was our due date for our twin girls who died. And it is also the day that our singleton baby girl was conceived. And our anniversary. So I am staring at cribs that we don't need because our babies died. Had things turned out differently....I would have children using these cribs. The twins would have been 2 today. Our rainbow baby would be 15 months.
These cribs should just be cribs. But I am making them into more than that. I am making them into a symbol of failure. Failure because our babies died, therefore we don't need them. Failure, because I am selling them for money to dig out of debt. We are selling them to pay off stupidity. Apparently my failure and stupidity is worth $125.
Part of me wants the guy to call and come get them. It will be hard to watch them walk out the door...but it needs to happen for emotional healing and to move forward in our debt reduction. Part of me want to stick my head back in the sand and bring them back to the attic and not look at them again.
Whatever will be, will be.